Collateral Damage (bxb)

19. Through Hardship

CONTENT WARNING! Themes of suicide, violence, emotional and physical. You have been warned.

A.N. This was hard to write. But I hope you enjoy it and see that there will be a light at the end of this darkening tunnel for our main characters.

For the first time in what seemed like forever, sleep came easy. The silent rise and fall of Ian's chest lulled me into a deep state of tranquility, calming me, and taking me deeper into the dark void of unconsciousness. I didn't catch the moment when I fell asleep, but I knew that Ian was in my arms and that was enough, that was all I wanted and needed.

As if on queue, I was where I always ended up, in the white nothingness that surrounded me. I felt light like I was floating in a sea of mysterious yet familiar fog. Finally, I felt at peace for the first time in seven long and grueling years. Maybe what I was doing wasn't worth it, maybe I should stay and try to fall in love despite how alien it is. Love... What even is love?

Love is something that compels people to share in physical and emotional intimacy.

Yeah... that's what it is. I thought about it, floating amidst the nothingness that was my home for now. Am I dreaming? I know what nightmares are, but what are dreams?

You'll never dream... You won't even ever get to live out whatever you dream of if you do.

This nagging voice at the back of my mind is here. Maybe I should float away, drift far enough that it can't reach me.

You know that you won't be able to.

Maybe, but I'd rather not listen to the nagging.

Wake up...

What? Why should I wake up?

Aidan, wake up!

There was a sensation of falling as mounds of mist whizzed by me in an instant until my body reverberated with a crash against something solid. The pain was unbearable like every part of my spine was crushed.

"Agh... Wh-at... What just happened?" I coughed because the crash winded me and woke me up from something... I rolled onto my side. "What the...?" I whispered as I noticed the concrete walls of this dimly lit room I found myself in.

This can't be it. I am back here, in one of my nightmares. Not again. It took a moment to pull myself up on my two feet with great effort as the pain across my back is still fresh. This is... another memory from the facility I was trapped in or so I think.

A few steps echoed from the other side of the metal door and a voice followed them. "Subject 0311 has not been responding to sedatives that well."

Another voice responded to the first. "Can't pump anymore for the fear of cardiac arrest. It is the only survivor of the procedure, a valuable asset."

They collectively sighed. "Hopefully he'll pass out from the pain then."

The other voice corrected the first, "It. Yes, we can hope that it'll pass out from the pain."

I rarely lost consciousness when I was trapped here. How did I manage to survive everything they put me through? I leaned on the door and put my ear to it as the steps grew further away.

"We have to find out what he-I mean... It is." The doctor corrected himself hastily.

"Yes, but there is little no chance we'll learn anything useful." It answered, not paying any attention to the mistake.

I was never a person to them... As I put more of my weight against the door to try and hear better, it pushes open like it was never locked. I had to catch myself before I dropped to the floor like a sack of potatoes.