Irreplaceable

chapter 21 | emotions

JASMIN MARTINEZ

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All of my pent-up frustration, anger, resentment, and sadness finally released. I couldn't keep it in myself anymore. I didn't have the patience anymore. The emotions were too overwhelming.

I let myself break.

I cried and cried as the taunting memories played in my head, repeatedly. I felt like I had no control over my body. I was stuck. I couldn't escape. Similar to how I felt five years ago. I couldn't move or speak. Just cry.

I tried gasping for oxygen but my body was tired. I wanted to close my eyes and leave this world. I thought I moved on. I spent years, fucking years but yet those painful memories still make their way to me again.

I felt the pain he caused me.

My baby would've been by my side today. I would've been a mother. The day that Chase cheated on me and I left his penthouse. I got hit by a car. On top of that, I was heartbroken. My body wasn't able to keep the baby alive.

Chase not only broke me apart but took away my baby from me. If I hadn't visited him, maybe my baby would be by my side. If he didn't cheat on me and cause me so much fucking pain to the point that my body was incapable to keep a baby, I would be a mother.

For him to think I would ever want to hear his reasons is complete bullshit. I know what I went through and I will not allow myself to fall into his trap once again.

Is it selfish of me to save myself from what I know can be at risk again?

Many would say I am holding grudges. I guess you can say that but I would rather say it's witnessing someone's true colors and not unseeing them.

Why would I put myself in a spot where I can get heartbroken again?

Years I have spent blaming him and now all of a sudden he has a reason. I'm scared that if he tells me his reason that I will fucking believe him. I shouldn't believe the bastard.

He's a fucking cheater at the end of the day.

I pulled my knees to my chest as I cried until I didn't have any more tears left to cry. I was hiccuping as the tears flowed through me and I remembered the doctor telling me I had a miscarriage.

I didn't even see my baby but yet I was already attached to the baby immensely.

I drank the whole bottle of alcohol as I stayed buried in my sorrows.

I wrapped my hands around my knees, placing my head on my knees before closing my eyes. Darkness filled my eyes, taking me out of my misery.

.•°•.•°•.•°•.

I woke up only because I heard my phone ringing. I got up from my cold floor and limped to my nightstand. My leg was hurting more as I had to walk home yesterday.

I sat down on my bed and picked up the incoming call. "Good morning, Xavier." I greeted as I yawned.

My room was still dark with the curtains being closed but I could see all the mess I made yesterday.