Bestfriends Brother | Rafe Cameron X Reader

Picasso

⚠️WARNING ⚠️
SELF HARM AND EATING DISORDER IN THIS CHAPTER

"So y/n has he asked you yet" ward asked " who ?" I replied "Rafe" I looked at Rafe confused as ever , what could he possibly need to ask me that's so important ward knows . " me and my dad were talking and I was wondering if you'd go with me to midsummers ? " my heart started racing a million miles , but all I could think was if Rafe actually wanted me to go with him or if it was just a ward thing . Ward always forced Rafe to do things he didn't want to , they didn't really have the best relationship, ward just wanted his family to appear perfect . "Your only just asking her now Rafe ? " this was the first time I've heard ward have anger in his voice , why was it so important for him to ask me ? Midsummers isn't for another few weeks , why'd he have to ask me now ?

" you can say no if you don't want to go with me or you already have someone to go with"

"Don't be silly Rafe , of course she will go with you " I smiled at what my dad said , my dads always known I've had a soft spot for Rafe and he's kinda always wanted us to end up together.

" well to be honest I was thinking of going with wheezie " I laughed

"Yeah me and y/n have been planning this for MONTHS !!! " she giggled

Everyone had such serious faces on except for Sarah of course. " I was joking , I'll go with Rafe to midsummers don't worry guys " Ward and my dad sighed in relief .

•••

"I'm sorry me and my dad put you on the spot like that , I didn't know he was going to that "

"Oh no it's fine Rafe , I didn't mind " Rafe smiled back at my reply which made me get butterflies in my stomach . " was that what you wanted to talk to me about ? "

" yeah and I wanted to ask if you were going to the Party tonight ? "

" the Kegger , like with the pogues ? " I joked " since when did you go to pogue parties with cheap beer , is The one and only golden boy Rafe Cameron trying to become a pogue "

" very funny y/n , and yes I am talking about the pogues kegger on the beach " he smiled

" well i guess I'll go if your going " He smirked obviously trying to hide a big grin.

•••
Whenever I'm by myself mirrors seem to appear everywhere. I don't like it but my body tells me I have to look at my reflection because maybe those 2 eggs and avocado on toast I had at the Cameron's were the tipping point for that extra pound I've been trying to shake for days and months. To be honest I don't remember the taste of fried chicken but my tongue is no stranger to coffee, water and tic tacs . Everyone says you can't measure happiness but my mood has been dependent on a scale recently not the quality of my day. All I can ever think about it how I'm so tired of checking my body every time I pass my reflection and making sure it's no different than yesterday or the last time I actually felt skinny , I can't stop thinking about how I'm so tired of going to bed hungry because if I eat anymore I might not like what I see when I wake up in the morning . Tired of being cold all the time , brushing out clumps of my hair , counting food like it's a number because I can't have too many calories or that stupid app on my phone will remind me I'm a failure . I'm so fucking tired of caring about what everyone will say because maybe they didn't mean "fat" when they called me "big" but something like that will make me not eat for 2 days just to make sure that person is wrong. I'm so sick of thinking like this , it makes me just want to leave this earth.

I grab it from my bathroom vanity and sit down on the floor . I look down to my wrists , a perfect masterpiece. I draw with silver , my canvas drips with red . I'm Picasso I think to myself , an artist. *knock* I jump up off the floor , throwing the blade away " hold on dad I'm just in the bathroom , I'll be out in a second " I wipe my tears . I hear the door creak open and I start to panic , what if someone finds out my biggest secret " y/n it's me " I grab a damp cloth and wipe my wrists clean " hold on I won't be a moment " I turn around and there he is , watching me in a panic " rafe ?"

"What are your doing y/n ?" His face grew with concern walking towards me as I was in shock " rafe it's not what it looks like , I promise "
"y/n ... " tears growing in my eyes , my vision becoming blurry " I won't tell anyone I promise , just please tell me what's happening y/n " I winced in pain as I pulled the sleeves of my long sleeve down " you can trust me alright " I looked up at him , tears streaming down my face when he embraced me in a hug . " I'm sorry " i spoke .

•••

"We don't have to go to the kegger if your not feeling up to it , I can just stay with you if you want "

" oh no Rafe it's fine , I want to see my friends and just forget about everything for a bit " I looked up at him as my head was rested on his shoulder.

" Do u want to smoke a j before we go to the party then ? " I kinda just zoned out when he said that , what was I supposed to say ? I mean don't get me wrong I used to love being high but now all I can think about is how it makes you hungry. " y/n ? "

"Oh sorry I zoned out "

"Don't worry about it we don't have to "

"I don't really smoke anymore , it makes me hungry " I didn't want to lie to him after what he saw earlier and what's wrong with one more person knowing my secret ?

" is that why y/n , like for what I saw before " he spoke softly which made me feel comfortable around him . " one of them I guess "

" I don't want to pressure you to say anymore so I'll go let you get ready okay , I'll just wait out with your dad " he assured me " thank you Rafe "