redamancy

𝐅𝐎𝐔𝐑.

bittersweet.
chapter four -

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WHY BOTHER to love someone when you can love yourself? It may sound easy but in reality it's hard to love one's self and the fact that you have to embrace the flaws and weaknesses that you own. One cannot simply accept it all- even the ugly scars people has. They would do everything just to get rid of it.

What made you even love Baji? Was it his charisma or his appearance? Perhaps it's the chilled and cooled aura that he gives off as you passed by the school hallways.

Do you even love Keisuke Baji?

You sighed, leaning backwards on your chair and stretching out the stiff muscles that you were receiving after being in the same position for almost four hours- studying and being the obedient student you are.

Not once have you ever thought about nobody else while writing down schoolwork and stressing yourself out.

When did this even start?

"[name]!" The voice of your mom can be heard even a story below. You sighed once again whilst standing up from your chair to open up your door to hear her voice much clearer. What does she has to say towards you again?

"What is it?" You called back, voice was enough for your mom to hear and your head peeking out of the corridor. "I want time for myself, damn it..." You grumble underneath your breath- Thinking that maybe your mother has a task for you to complete.

Your mom smiles as she gently places the sweets wrapped around a plastic bag on top of the kitchen table. She adores your man, totally- during the first time she had met him, your mom was doubting if he was treating you right as a woman. You were there with a bright smile while he's there with keeping a uninterested face.

She could could still remember the days of you talking about him nonstop- it felt like she was seeing herself when she was younger. And it's no use for her to doubt anymore, she was in your position back then with your father- the both of you will clearly be okay together just like how she ended up together with her beloved.

"Keisuke bought us some sweets to eat, Come down here!" You bit your lower lip, hesitating. What are you even hesitating for? Baji has been sending you food to eat almost every single night.

"...I'll come over in a bit," You replied- slowly closing your door. "I still have to finish some assignments."

"You're always on that damn room of yours!" You could tell she was annoyed by your words- but she was indeed right. You could only give a bitter chuckle as you slowly went back to your seat.

'Keisuke....' Your mind wanders off to the man you were head over heels- do you still feel the same thing though?

Letting out a frustrated sigh, you banged your forehead against the wooden table, ignoring the pain that you had received. A light punishment for thinking about those negative thoughts or perhaps you were questioning about the relationship between you and Baji have.

Loving someone is hard to do- sometimes those feelings starts to drain out without no one noticing.

Nobody knows if you're fooling yourself to believe that you still love them.