I will love you with my Heart and Seoul

Chapter Five

       As the year continues, so do our clandestine meetings.
       We talk with relative ease and are so comfortable with each other.
       I push lustful thoughts to the back of my mind. I may want to jump his bones, but I won't; this friendship is far too precious.
       He knows all about my ex and how much I was hurt by him. He is a great listener too, but I try hard not to burden him with my baggage.

       I am constantly with the guys, but no one could tell how close Namjoon and I have become.
       We have been so discreet.
       I have seen the inside of several of his hotel rooms. Some nights he is hyped and wants to drink and chat, others when the demons set in, he just needs to cuddle.
       I am more than happy to oblige.  It feels so good to be in his arms, but it doesn't have the same meaning for him.
       I sigh inwardly every time it crosses my mind.

        In February Desiigner announced that Mic Drop has gone gold.
        They even find they have fans amongst fellow celebs as The Backstreet Boys declare their love of BTS.
       The RIAA updates its website, confirming DNA and Mic Drop as BTS' first single to become certified gold in the States.
       That's a great birthday present for Hoseok oppa.

       BTS Speaks Out in Seoul. They are now K-Pop Megastars and get candid about representing a new generation.
       A Billboard cover story is published and they appear on the cover of Billboard magazine, the first ever Korean group to do so.
       What an achievement!

       Our secret meetings have become 'the norm'.
       They are so busy, but he seems happy and 'in the zone', most of the time. But I do worry about him.
        I am relieved to find out from PD Nim that Namjoon has spoken with him about their concerns.
       With each meeting, I fall a little bit more in love with this man.
       I have to keep this in check, I cannot give myself away, it could jeopardise everything. I remind myself constantly.

       During one of my calls to my best friend she excitedly tells me that Uzbeki figure skater Misha Ge skated to Mic Drop during the figure skating gala event at the Pyeongchang 2018 Winter Olympic Games.
       I know this but didn't get the time to see it I admit to her.
       She asks all her usual questions, which I try to skirt around as best I can.
       She teases me a little about having to be around these gorgeous specimens every day and not being able to touch.
       We both giggle and I scold her and tell her that I would never be so bold; If only she knew how many times I have spent the night in his arms.

       I have now been with the guys for six months and I feel so happy with everything, to have been a part of this journey with them.
       Even the birthday boy, Yoongi oppa, has accepted me as part of the team!
       Jimin and Tae have lived up to their reputations and flirt constantly.
       If I wasn't so madly in love with Namjoon, I could definitely fall for Jimin. He is such a sweet guy, drop dead gorgeous and cares so much for the other members and his team.
       Tae would definitely keep me on my toes, but having been cheated on before, he is the one I would worry about most, to cheat.
       I play along with them often – it's such fun!

       On one occasion after a performance Jimin is being as flirty as usual and I am flirting back, playing along and I notice a little jealous glance from Jungkook.
       I don't pay too much attention to it, but I think that maybe he wishes he could be as outgoing as Jimin.
       I have become close to Jimin and I know he has his demons. He's opened up to me about how he struggles with body image and his bouts of depression.
       He also admitted that he has a massive boy crush on Jungkook, but was unsure what to do about it.
       I am not surprised by this as I have gotten to know him quite well over the months, but I am yet to know more about Jungkook, he plays things quite close to his chest. Although he has been known to flirt with Jimin, Tae and other members when in a playful mood; I am not sure about his sexuality.
       My mind goes back briefly to the time he admitted he liked me and his embarrassed look when he did.
       I had come to the conclusion it was not a romantic declaration.