Sleeping Beauty

Chapter 33

Shawn

All I can think about is how I almost lost her... again. And this time, I wouldn't have been able to chase after her. I would've had to stay here and finish the tour. I couldn't run off again. If I wouldn't have had to call my grandma at 2:30 in the morning because of the time difference, America would've been gone.

Forever.

Maybe it would've been better if she had left. She would be safer. She would be able to go to school in a month and then moved on to college eventually. I wouldn't be pulling her back.

You are hurting her.

But I don't want to lose her. Losing her would be like not having air and not knowing where to get it. I would have to start my life over.

But it would be for her. And if I knew it made her happy, maybe I could get through the pain.

A hand runs over my shoulder and pair of lips touch my cheek.

Maybe not.

"Hey," she whispers after not so gracefully sitting in the chair next to me.

I almost burst into tears. America's still here, she's real. She hasn't left.

I smile. "Hi." She's wearing jeans and a tank top with sneakers. I don't notice I'm staring at her until she laughs a little.

"Uh, Shawn."

I shake my head and look down at the bowl of cereal sitting in front of me. "Oh, uh. It's just..."

She laughs again at my sudden lack of words and I will my face not to turn red at the sudden embarrassment. America takes my hand and I look up at her. She's smiling and her blue eyes are practically glowing.

I can't stop the words before they come out of my mouth. "Don't ever leave me."

She looks down at her hands in her lap. "Shawn, I'm sorry for last night. I was just really out of it."

I shake my head. "I don't want you to leave"

"Shawn-"

I squeeze her hand. "Promise me."

America pulls her hand from mine and sets it down in her lap. She whispers something that I can't hear.

"What did you say?"

She closes her eyes. "I said what happens when you don't want me anymore. Will I be able to leave then?"

I try to take her hand again, but she crosses her arms, looking across the room. "Why would you think that?" I ask.

"It's true, though isn't. One day, you're just going to wish I would disappear. I embarrass you, Shawn. I know. I just don't want our whole relationship to be a lie."

I set my hand on her knee and she turns to me. "Why would you think you embarrass me?"

"God, Shawn. Why can't you see it? I have one leg! I'm ugly. I'm horrific to look at and I will be for the rest of my life, so if you think that one day, there's going to be some reality TV show reveal where I'm suddenly as beautiful as I was before I got in the damn car that night with those fucking drunk people when I didn't wear my seatbelt, you're wrong. I'm just going to get uglier."

I look America up and down. How could someone so beautiful call herself ugly? "If this is because of those comments and the picture, I'm sorry. I can't-"

She cuts me off. "I was always ugly. I just thought for a second that... Whatever, that picture was a rude awakening that I needed."

I look at her. I had been thinking about offering this idea to her for a couple days now, but I didn't want it to offend her. "I think you're perfect the way you are. I really do," I take a deep breath. "But what if we could make it so nobody knew you had one leg?"

America doesn't know what to say to that. She definitely wasn't expecting it. "I, uh. Could that happen?"

"What if you got a prosthetic leg and just wore pants? It would be easier to get around and look more, uh, normal, I guess."

She takes my hand again and I quickly press her palm to my lips. "Yeah, Shawn. That would be amazing."