Sleeping Beauty

Chapter 9

America

The memories got worse and worse. Even when I wasn't in one, I was remembering them in my head and trying to put them in the right order. It never worked. A piece was always missing. When Shawn came, I just stayed on the ground and listened to his voice. I never answered his questions like I used to and I stopped trying to picture who he was, because I have come to the conclusion that I am going to die.

I'll never see anyone but myself ever again. I'll never see the moon or another star. 

And you know what, I don't really care. As long as I get out of this place.

When Shawn came by today, he sang me this beautiful song by Ed Sheeran and now that I think about it, he indirectly asked me to wake up at some point. Then he told me about the balloons and the window, which made me happy, of course, but not happy enough. 

Then he held my hand and he, he...

kissed me. 

"Why the hell did you have to kiss me, Shawn?" I scream and throw myself on the ground. "I give up." I start to cry and I pound my fists against the ground. "I give up!" I scream again. "I don't want to live anymore! I want to die!" 

It gets really hard to breathe. Pain encases my chest and something is crushing my leg. When I open my eyes, something besides a dark room fills my vision. It's blurry, but white and gray with a lamp next to the bed I seem to be sitting on. And there are balloons next to the window. 

"No!" I scream. I close my eyes and cover my ears and scream as loud as I can. "I told you! I give up! I don't want to wake up. I DO NOT WANT TO LIVE ANYMORE!" 

When I open my eyes again, I'm back in the room. It's not as blurry and I can clearly make out the balloons and the fact that it's the middle of the night. 

I close my eyes and scream again. Whenever I close my eyes, I'm back in the room I've been stuck in for weeks. I claw at my wrists and chest. "Don't wake up, don't wake up. Just keep your eyes closed." When I look down at my leg, it's disintegrating. I look away, but when I do, my eyes open and I'm back in the hospital. "NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!"

I close my eyes again, and what's left of my leg is in pieces on the floor. 

I can't breathe. I wrap my hands around my throat and gasp for air, but there isn't any. My body collapses and I fall on my side. When I roll onto my back, my eyes open. 

When I close them, there's nothing there but blackness. I'm just blinking. Inside my head I'm screaming-

This sucks! What kind of bullshit am I going to have to live through now?

but on the outside, I'm perfectly calm and the highlight of my day seems to be blinking every two seconds.