Sleeping Beauty

Chapter 12

America

Of course I can see stuff, I just can't moves my eyes so I curse about every ten seconds.

The nurse moves towards my right, but keeps moving.

"Shit."

The doctor is trying to speak to me, but decides to move all the way to what's probably my bed side table that has a lamp on it.

"Fuck you."

But, of course, when Shawn comes, he pulls his chair all the way to the left of my bed. 

"Damn, I wish someone could hear me right now."

But the truth is, everybody probably thinks I all rainbows and lollipops happy to be awake, right? I should just be grateful that I woke up when I was so close to death? Wait until I tell them that the only reason I actually woke up was because I was trying to kill myself. The black doctor told me that I would probably be awake, like completely, in about two weeks. I can't decide whether to throw a party or have a funeral. 

Yesterday, when Shawn came, he was holding my hand, right? So I was like, What the hell? He's done enough things for me, and so I tried to squeeze his hand and it didn't exactly work because how am I supposed to squeeze his hand when I can't even feel mine? Of course, he was talking about the weather, which really annoyed me because it's not like was going to step outside and be like, Oh it's raining. Maybe I should've listened to Shawn and brought my umbrella. Then I got really desperate because he had been talking about the weather for about twenty minutes and I had no idea that anybody could do that. I mean, the weatherman doesn't even talk that long, 45 seconds at most, so I try with all my will power to and it... what a surprise! It doesn't work. Then he starts talking about New York and I really want to hear him talk about that so I stop trying, but then he gets really detailed. He talked about the trash cans. Like, what the heck? Wouldn't they be the same as the trash cans in LA. Then I tried to squeeze his hand one last time. I pictured me squeezing his hand in my head, basically, which must sound pretty stupid, but it worked! Shawn just about stopped dead in the middle of a word. It was kind of funny. So then I did it again, completely ignoring whatever he said after that and he just laughed and left the room. 

When he walked out, I finally got to see what he looked like. His hair was brown, not exactly what I had pictured, but to tell you the truth, if he had blonde hair it would look really awful. He was a pretty good looking guy, but he looked super young, like freshman in high school young. Maybe it was just the angle I was at, but I was hoping he would be older. And the best part about him was him smile. Oh my god, his smile of course made me want to smile, which wasn't physically possible, but you know what I mean. His smile is the only thing that I thought about until he came back the next day.

Since my eyeballs can't really move, all I can really see through my peripheral vision is my hair and my shoulders, so I can't really check to see if I'm alright. I kind of assume I am because I feel like a doctor would've told me if something was wrong by this point. But I discovered the coolest thing after Shawn left. I could actually feel my hand. I didn't even have to think about it. When a nurse came in, I moved my fingers a whole bunch of times to try to get her to notice, but I guess she hadn't had her coffee this morning or something because she just checked all the technical stuff and left. 

They fed me through the tube and the doctor came and told me to blink once for yes and twice for no and I was said "Alright, I can do this." None of them heard it, but it was a little motivation for me, not them. 

"Do you know your name?"

I try to roll my eyes, but can't. Then I blink once.

Two more nurses come in, but the doctor is the only one that asks questions.

"Can you see?" 

I think about this one for a little bit. I can't move my eyeballs. The space I can see is limited, but in the end, I guess that counts as seeing. I blink once.

One of the nurses cracks a smile. "I told you this one was gonna make it."

Well thank you, I'm so glad you didn't think I was going to die.

"Can you move anything?"

Finally! I blink once and start moving the fingers on my left hand. 

The doctor raises an eyebrow. "Ah, very impressive America. Last question. Do you remember what happened on the night of your accident."

This is the part that if I were awake, I would swallow really hard and decide whether I should share with them that I do remember it, all of it. After what must only be five seconds, but feels like forever, I blink once.

"Do you remember who was in the car with you?"

What the hell? He said the was the last question, but I consider it for a moment. Peter was driving and Leah and Ryan were in the back seat. I blink once. 

"Did you see any of them after the accident happened?" I think. I try as hard as I can to remember, but I was really far away from the car and my sight was on and off. I blink twice.

The nurse who had talked before rushes over to me and pats my arm. "That's enough questions, Dr. Green." She speaks directly to me. "I'm so sorry," she whispers.

I stop paying attention to her and look at the other nurse. She's standing next to the doctor and talking in hushed tones. "Should we tell her?" she asks.

He shakes his head. "No. Not until she wakes up."

"But she has the right to know-"

"I don't want it to interfere with her recovering. Once she is fully healed and functioning, we can tell her."

"It seems like a lot to handle at one time."

"We will tell her in parts. It'll all work out. You'll see."

Then they all leave.

The possibility that I was the only one to live through the car wreck never crossed my mind once.