Sleeping Beauty

Chapter 19

America

It hurt when the black doctor handed me the white roses and told me what Shawn had told him.

But it didn't hurt as much as I knew it should have and I felt guilty.

"Do you have his phone number?"

Dr. Allan shook his head, but I could see the lie through his eyes. Shawn had made it clear that he didn't want to see me again.

And I don't blame him.

If I had walked in and seen some girl sitting with Shawn, I would've been pissed off, too.

Brandon was my boyfriend. We broke up at the party the night before the accident. I hadn't been upset about it. I had actually been expecting it. Maybe that's why I was so chill afterwards.

His words, not mine. "When I heard about you being in this car wreck, I freaked out. Everybody thought you were going to die. All I could think about was that the last thing I said to you was that we should break up. It was crazy to think that I thought never hearing your voice again was the solution that night."

So when he asked me to take him back, I slowly nodded and we kissed. Then we kissed some more and I convinced myself that I was kissing Shawn

All Shawn wanted was to hear my voice.

But I had to stop thinking about him. He's not part of your life anymore.

Shawn doesn't come back for three days. Of course, I didn't expect him to, but I had wanted him to. Nobody had been nice enough to pick up the shredded balloons in the corner until I broke down and yelled at them. A nurse picked them up in silence.

Then my parents came. After all, I was going to leave the hospital the next day. They told me that they had moved to New Mexico and how I was going to go to a new school when started again in the fall. I had wanted to scream and yell at them. Both of them were crazy to think I would be happy with the idea, but I just smiled  and nodded.

It wasn't until I was in a pair of soccer shorts and a sweatshirt that I asked whether I would be able to play my favorite sport again.

The doctor gave me a sad and slow shake of his head.

I burst out into tears, the first ones I had cried since I had woken up and noticed my leg was missing. Shawn had held me tight and told me how everything was going to be okay.

Shawn hates you. You're never going to see him again.

When I had finally calmed down, they sat me up on the side of the bed so only my right leg hung over the bed. The left one was like a stump that didn't go pass the end of the bed. "What happened to..." My voice cracks. "Them."

"Peter and Leah," the doctor whispers.

"Lived?" I asked.

Only my mom silently shakes her head.

I close my eyes and wrap my hands around the sheets. "And Ryan?"

My dad speaks now. "He begged his parents to send him to a boarding school in Nebraska. He said he couldn't handle being the only one..." He drifts off.

"Yeah," I whisper. "I guess."

Now I was the only one.

Suddenly all I could think about was Shawn. I needed to see him. I needed to speak to someone who didn't look at me like I was hurt.

I take the crutches next to my bed and push past my parents. "Dr. Allan, can I speak with you in the hall?"

My parents look at me confused, but Mom speaks first. "Honey, whatever you can say to him, you can say to us. We're your parents."

I laugh. "Oh yeah? The ones that left me when I was dying?" I shake my head and hop out of the room.

Dr. Allan silently follows me.

I move down the hall because I know my parents will have their ears pushed against that door. Once we're far enough away, I tell him, "You need to take me to Shawn."

He looks down at his feet to avoid my eyes. "I don't know where he lives."

I scoff, "You and I both know you suck at lying so don't. I need you to drive me there."

Dr. Allan sits there for a few seconds before he shakes his head and says, "I can't change your mind?"

Before I answer, he's leading me down the hallway.

Who knew a doctor would have a Jeep?

He opens the door for me and takes my crutches, which he slides into the back. I try to pull myself up into the car, but fail. He catches me just before I fall. "Here, let me help you."

Help. I was going to need a lot of it from now on.

The car ride is awkward. We don't speak. His phone goes off and he answers it. "Yeah, I got her." A pause. "Okay, will do."

Then we were pulling over in front of a completely normal house. And there was Shawn, walking out with his guitar on his back and a suitcase in his hand. The door flies open. I don't realize I'm the one who pushed it open until I'm practically falling out.

The doctor rushes over and catches me, again. I keep my hand on the door while he pulls out my crutches.

"Shawn!"

He looks over, alarmed. Then he shakes his head and walks to a black car parked in the driveway. I use the crutches over the sidewalk and through the grass which is a new experience that takes some getting used to.

"Shawn!" I yell again.

He opens the side door and throws his guitar across the seats and slams it shut. "Go away, America."

Just as I get over to him, he opens the passenger door and plops down into the seat.

"Where are you going?" I ask.

"Away from you," he answers.

I get a knot in my throat, but try my best to ignore it. "Give me five minutes."

After a few seconds, he nods and gets out of the car. He doesn't close the door. After I don't talk he says, "What did you want?"

I close my eyes. "You."

When I open my eyes, he's climbing back into the car. "You don't always get what you want."

I put my hand on his arm. "Don't touch me!" He stands back up and when he does, his shoulder collides with my chest and I fall backwards landing on my crutches.

All I can smell is grass. It's in my hair and under my palms. It makes me want to throw up. I get back on my knees, but when I try to push myself up, I find that I can't. Tears poor down my face. "At least tell me where you're going," I cry.

"On a tour."

A car door slams shut and the smell of gasoline fills my lungs. I shut my eyes so the crying stops. It all clicks. The music, the tour.

Shawn was famous and probably busy, but he took the time to come visit me everyday and I repaid him for it by picking Brandon.