A swipe of love

part 36

since you're in the bed with jackson, u were staring in the wall, in silence. u noticed he can't sleep too. u looked at him then looked away again. u teared up still traumatized from what happened to you. u felt guilty, bad, and the worst thing, u felt like a cheater. all these things in ur mind and you started crying what jackson noticed. he hugs you.

"shhh, this is the past let it go."
he says lightly shaking you while ur in his arms

u just looked at him and said "jackson i promise, i'm not a cheater, i swear please forgive me! i couldn't help, i was helpless again.."

"woah woah i never said i was mad! actually i am but angry on that guy. he deserves to die. if anyone else touches you i swear, i'm gonna kill that motherfucker" he said getting agressive

(you start crying again) "i can't believe what happened to me! what's next? dying?"

"shut up! it's not your fault and i know, u've had a hard time. i really don't understand this. please don't cry just try to relax in my arms" he said while pulling u into a deeper hug

without saying anything, he started playing with your hair which made u fall asleep.

JACKSON'S POV:
i was lightly shaking her while playing with her hair. she looked so weak. like she couldn't do anything else. she was tired. so tired. i saw the hurt in her eyes, the way she looked at me. she could barley look into my eyes thinking i'm mad. as i said i am but thats not her fault i live her with my whole heart. i always fuck up. always say i'll protect her from everything, never gonna leave her, but look at this now. i'm scared to go out with her. she is pretty, she's hot, she's attractive i know. it attracts all the guys. but i won her heart i trust her. but now, this is the best feeling ever. knowing your girl trusts u that much to fall asleep into your arms without thinking ur gonna rape her or do anything bad. after having to go through that today, she still trusted me.

[ IN THE MORNING ]
you started waking up. u saw jackson already looking at you.

you: good morning
jackson: morning beautiful
you: how'd u sleep?
jackson: pretty good
you: (yawn)
jackson: (touches your face) you are red.. i know this is from crying. were you crying while i was sleeping)
(you didn't reply)
jackson: were you?
you: jackson this is so hard to me i feel like a cheater this will never go away!
jackson: (hugs you) don't talk about that. ignore it. let it stay in the past. (kisses u) i swear, i'll deginitely go everythere with u. i'll never leavr u alone. especially on carnevals, or somewhere where are a lot of people. i'm sorry for leaving u. i said i'll protect you, but look what i did..
you: it's not ur fault! pls as u said, let's ignore it

(you stand up going right to bathroom. jackson goes downstairs and sees the guys already awake sitting while watching TV)
cyp: good morning broo!! how was yesterday??
jacob: we didnt see u guys when u came back
jackson: (sighs) don't ask.
jacob: what happened dude?
jackson: (sighs again) the worst night we have ever have. i'm. she didn't deserve that
cyp: what? what did she do?
jackson: (explains them evrything while ur not there) and yeah, she got raped. i promised i wont leave her but. i did. pls don't talk about this with her. it makes her very uncomfortable and she cried whole night. i understand her. i tried to calm her down but nothing happened
cyp: who tf is that dude?!
jacob: hope he goes to hell soon
you: trust me bro i was so lost both of us could barley breathe
cyp: she went through everything alone, she has always been going thru hard times. it always keep going
jacob: shh she is coming
you: good morning
cyp: (stands up and hugs you) good morning sister
jacob: (does the same) morning bestie
jackson: (smiles) sit here
you: (sit and just look down. u kinda knew jackson told them what's OK. u were looking down all the way trsing not to tear up)
jacob: (looks at jackson as wanting his premission where jackson answered with "yes") put your head up queen, the lifevis waiting for you
you: he tild u didn't he? it's alright tho
cyp: (hugs you) please relax. this is bad for your mental health. just calm down. we will protect her from now i swear. life is full of these motherfuckers they all deserve to die (he said still not letting u go from a hug)
you: my life can't be the same as before. never again
jackson: baby (moves cyps hands and hugs you) in my arms everything will be okay. it's important for u to NOT blame yourself. u didn't do anything wrong. you were helpless and weak which is normal.
you: i apprecciate this
jacob: come on queen u got this
jackson: we are with you
you: i love you guys so much (stand up) i'm gonna make us some sandwiches
jackson: no wait i'll do it
you: no, i will!
(u go to the kitchen and grab toasts, beef, cheese, bacon etc... u were holding a knife in ur right hand. u tried to cut the bacon but u started shaking. u put the knife over ur left hand thinking about cutring urself. u zoomed in and totally logged of the world. the voices in ur head were telling you "do it!" "no bitch u can't lose blood no more" "you deserve it, go and die!" you didn't know what to do. u kinda decided to do it "a little bit" u thought. luckily jackson saw what r u about to do)
jackson: (he jumped from the couch) MINA
you: (still zoned out, only concentraced to what u want to do.)
jackson: (pulls you closer to him and takes away the knife) mina what are you doing man?! are you crazy
you: (still zoned out, being in the same pose as before, just without a knife)
jackson: MINA! (he screamed again which "woke" you up)
you: i- a- WHAT
jackson: bro (he says in a calm voice trying to calm YOU down. he puts his hand on your shoulder) why are yoi doing this? dying is easy. leaving me will be hard right? for both of us, we know that. so don't do this to me. to us.
you: (hug him) jackson i'm sorry love (tear up)
jackson: (hugs you) shh come here (u go to the couch together) sit and relax. u can't be like this for the rest of your life. u HAVE to let it go.
jacob: please mina, stay strong for us
cyp: don't you dare to die loser i love you so much
jacob: calm her down, i'll orger us breakfast
jackson: great okay
cyp: it's gone now
jackson: he is right, ur safe now. we won't go out really often. as we can see, the luck ain't that good for us
you: (calmed down) i'm sorry for ruining your life
jackson: look, mina, you didn't ruin anything mine. u made my life better. we have our ups and downs. the only life you are ruining is YOURS. don't do this to yourself. you love me, but self love is always number one! not for me tho
you: (smile) okay mister jackson, i think i am okay now
cyp: believe us when we say we'll protect u, cant u wait to become an aunt? u want my baby to have the best aunt ever? then don't do this to urself! one day, your kids should be proud of their mom!
jackson: smart guy
you: i got you, if i don't let the past go, it won't let me live
jackson: (smiled cuz he noticed ur using his sentence) what a smart girl
you: she learned that from her smart boyfriend (kiss him) thank u fir everything, you too cyp, (yell) and u too jacob!!
jackson: no need to thank us
cyp: we all love you
jacob: thats why we do that for u
you: i might not have luck in life in general, but at least i'm lucky to have u by my side
jackson: i ain't an ice but i'm melting
cyp: she never said something like this
jacob: but she was right tho!