How Can I Make it Okay? - A BakuDeku Story

I Did it For Him (For us)

Kirishima sat on the floor of the common rooms of the dorm, his back against the couch, hidden from everyone, with his head between his legs. He watched as his hair swished back and forth against the carpet. Around him, his classmates paced, trying to figure out why they were suddenly on lockdown for a Toga break-in as if this wasn't a regular occurrence. He heard Present Mic in the background yelling at Mineta to stop trying to hit on his classmates at such a serious time but it didn't make him laugh or roll his eyes at the ridiculousness the way it usually did. Kaminari sat at the door, peering through the glass as if being able to see outside would make the lockdown any better.

Mic had rushed in as they were making a plan to hunt down Toga and yelled everyone into submission. He had this look on his face, as if he was judging every single one of them, trying to find something that none of 3A could figure out. Maybe it was a look in their eyes, or a telltale sign that would give him the answer he was looking for. But he never told them. Instead, he pulled Todoroki aside, leaving the rest of them to watch as he ran out the doors when Mic announced that no one would be leaving, and that anyone who even attempted to leave would be expelled immediately.There were protests from Kaminari, Iida and Tokoyami. But in the end they all gave in and found a corner of the room to wait.

It was then that Kirishima realized someone had caught his fuck up. He didn't mean to. He just, he didn't even know what had come over him. Ever since Bakugo told him he loved him it was as if something inside him had snapped, and he didn't care about anything else but making sure he didn't ever get hurt again. He hated seeing him in pain and he had gotten so much better. He hadn't even fully processed the fact that Bakugo loved Midoriya, but Kirishima felt something inside of him that he had never felt before. It was dark and twisted and made him feel like something was eating him from the inside out. He wanted nothing more than to rip it from his chest and shove it away from him, but it made a home in there instead, growing and spreading every time he heard mention of Midoriya's name.

"You okay Kiri?" Mina had her head pressed against his shoulder, her curls tickling the side of his cheek.

Kirishima tried his best to smile, to let Mina know that everything was okay, but he had just broken his own personal rule. One he swore he would always live by: To never let anyone find themselves in the way of danger. To never put anyone's life in danger. And if they did, if danger found anyone around him, he would save them. He would risk his life, to make sure everyone was safe. But could he even call himself a friend? A boyfriend? A hero? After what he did?

"Kiri," Mina put her arm around him. "It's just Toga, it's going to be okay. They're going to be okay."

But that only made the tears fall from his eyes faster, harder. Kirishima couldn't breathe. He didn't deserve to be a hero if he could let his emotions get in the way like that. If he could put his own friend in danger, if he could put someone that treated him like he was family in danger. Who was he?

The sob that escaped him caught the attention of the entire room. Mina pulled him tighter against her. All eyes turned to look at him, but no one moved. No one had really seen Kirishima cry before, not like this. He cried over simple things like romance movies with sad endings and over chopping onions in the kitchen and it made everyone laugh. But when he was truly in pain, he hid away in his room, crying silently into his pillow instead. He was everyone's rock, the one that made everyone's day brighter. He couldn't bring his own personal things into it. He couldn't. He had to be happy for everyone. It was what he did best. It was what Bakugo did for him. And he was at risk of losing that.

Kaminari moved first, walking towards Kirishima when Present Mic stopped him.

"You guys head over to the television," Present Mic said softly. "I'll check on him."