You Can't Save Everyone

Chapter 13 - Mortality is Fragile

Bruce had woken Jess up the day after and despite being disorientated, she had no brain injuries. We had cried together for what seemed like hours when her memories of what happened in Rome came crashing down on her. Planning Leanne and Kayleigh's funeral felt like the worst torture anyone could inflict on us but they deserved a meaningful goodbye. After another week of resting, Jess could walk around on crutches and Bruce gave her the all clear to travel for the funeral.

I could tell everyone was curious about the location I'd chosen for their burial but no one was brave enough to ask me. I wasn't intentionally hiding it from them but I worried they'd say it was too dangerous to go there if I told them its significance to me. Instead, Steve and Tony arranged the transport for Leanne and Kayleigh from SHIELD's morgue to Blue Ridge, Georgia while Nat, Wanda and Clint arranged flowers and prepared the jet. Jess and I focused on writing something to say to honour our fallen sisters and tried our best to keep it together.

The short flight to Georgia was silent as a sombre mood hung over the group but I wasn't up for talking much anyway so it suited me perfect. Bucky came and sat next to me as we waited for the cars to come collect us from our landing spot.

He silently placed his upturned flesh hand on my lap, inviting me to interlock mine with his, which I did. I leaned my head onto his shoulder and felt him press his lips to my head.

"Every time I think they've run out of ways to hurt me, they find one that just a painful as all the times before." I said sadly.

"It's an unfortunate talent of theirs." Bucky replied referring to Hydra.

"The less you care, the less you have to lose... so I try not to care... but I still lose everything." I said lifting my head to meet his eyes.

"You've not lost me doll." He said reassuringly but I felt the pit in my stomach open up at his words. I've not lost you yet Bucky, I thought to myself as I tried to ignore what I had to do after this day was over.

Then another thought dawned on me, "One day I'll lose you... and I'll be powerless to stop it"

"What do you mean?" he asked cautiously.

"What if Bruce is right and I can't die? If I am immortal... how do I live like that? Knowing that everyone I know or care about will die... and I'll be left alone?" I said shyly.

"I don't know y/n.... but maybe it's something that's not permanent?" He replied curiously.

"How do you mean?" I asked suspiciously.

"Maybe whatever Hydra gave you can only protect you from dying a certain number of times, perhaps that why you still age even though I didn't when I was on ice."

"I have to let Bruce and Tony do their experiment don't I?" I sighed.

"You need to do whatever you're comfortable with." He replied attentively.

"I'll think about it... right now I want to lay my friends to rest and give them the goodbye they deserve" I said and Bucky wrapped his arm around me, pulling me closer.

"It's time" Nat said softly from the jet's entrance and I gave her a small nod as I stood.

I was dressed in a simple black dress and wore my necklace with simple Raven feather pendant. As a team, we hadn't been ones for sentimental gestures but before we had the suit's Tony gave up, these necklaces acted as an emblem for us, connected us to each other. I wore mine with both pride and sadness today just as Jess did. We had considered adding Kayleigh and Leanne's feathers to our necklaces in their memory but it felt wrong to  take them off of them. They would always be a part of our team and those necklaces were to be worn wear with honour, wherever they were now so they would be buried with them.