Unfinished, You and I

Chapter Nine: Only You

I gently pry myself from Travis's grasp to avoid waking him up. He turns to his side, away from me. I get out of the bed, thinking I know what needs to be done to save him from the trouble. I grab a piece of paper and pen and make my way to the dining room table. Once the pen touches the paper, the words flow out so naturally.

"Travis,

You are the love of my life. My person. As much as I want to stay, I shouldn't. I will only hold you back from your full potential. I hate to hurt you, but just know that I am not someone to cry over. There's not a lot to lose when it comes to me. You deserve the world and unfortunately, I can't give that to you. There are many things I need to work on to give you the best. I can't give you all of me when I'm only half a man. I need you to try to find happiness without me. I need you to succeed. As easy as it may seem for me to walk out the door, I am hurting. I am constantly hurting. I will be okay, and so will you. I can't promise that I won't move on because you're my person, but I'm not good for you. I know I will never move on, never choose anyone else because it's only you. If it's not you, then I'd rather live my life alone. As much as this sounds like a choice I want to make, it's not. It's a decision to give you the best. Your happiness is something that is very important to me and I don't believe you can truly be happy with how little I have to offer. I will find a way back to you. I will do my best to become someone you deserve and more. You are everything I could ever ask for, but they say if you love them, let them go. If you move on, I understand. You do what you need to do to be happy and successful because if you don't I am hurting for nothing. I will keep my promise to you. I will forever love you. But it must be from a distance.

Love,

Josh."

I fold the piece of paper and I look at the promise ring he had given me. With hesitation, pain, and tears I take it off and place it on top of the piece of paper. I quietly pack everything, making sure to leave everything else organized. I grab my keys from the drawer and I take off the key to the apartment. Our apartment. I set it on the counter next to the note and I walk out the door. My feet shuffle as I make my way to the car. I put my stuff in the trunk and it feels as though the weight of the world is crushing me. I can't help but fall to the floor and sob. I want to yell, but I can't. My uncontrollable sobs are choking me. I find the will to get up and wipe my tears and I get in the car. I start it and I feel a weight lift from my chest. I know what I'm doing is right. It has to be. If it isn't, then I broke both of us for nothing. The words I wrote full-heartedly will mean nothing. The letter will serve no purpose. It feels like I can't live without him, but if I don't die tonight I will have to. I know in my heart that no one will ever measure up to the man he is so I will accept what I've said. There's no one I would choose because it's only him. Only You.