Unfinished, You and I

Chapter Five: Sliver Of Hope

A Note From The Author: Sorry for such a short chapter. I wanted to go about this chapter without dialogue. It was also tough to get a better POV from someone you don't talk to after a break up so I made one up...

Josh's POV:

It's been a month since I walked out of that apartment. I've been at my own place and I picked up extra shifts at the restaurant to keep myself distracted. My phone has been turned off ever since that day. I'm now a ghost to the world. The thought of him texting me has compelled me to keep it off but also urges me to turn it on. Is it fair to him to just be a ghost? Is it fair to me to struggle with this issue? Is it wrong to want to hold on to letting go? Is it wrong to continue to want him when he was so unsure?

I look at the clock to see that I'm going to be 5 minutes late to work... again. If I'm being honest, I don't like working here anymore. Everything has been the same every day and at this point, almost everything is becoming muscle memory. If it continues to feel like this I will start getting lost in my thoughts and still be able to get my work done. I miss being a nanny. As of now, I feel so disconnected from the world and the people inhabiting it. Being a nanny you're choosing to connect with the people you work for. It was less work with more responsibilities. Taking care of children will keep anyone on their toes no matter how experienced they are with them. It could be that I am just missing a personal connection, and who better to have one with than someone who is happy most of the time? With someone who is constantly curious about the world? With someone with such great imagination you can escape your own reality and become a character in someone's story?

I go to the counter to grab my keys and realize that it's under some fast food wrappers and next to containers and bowls with melted ice cream in them. I've gotta admit that I fully understand why I did this but why in the hell did I let it get this bad? I decided to turn on my phone so I can call my boss. When I do I will be calling today off. If I get fired, so be it. That just means that it's a sign from the universe to be a nanny. You know what, fuck it. Why should I wait for a sign if this is something I want? I've never waited for something to fall into my lap. I've always grinded to get what I wanted so why am I holding back this time? Maybe it was the wrong time to be with Travis. Maybe the sliver of hope I hold onto has a purpose. We both were wanting something when it came to our careers and maybe being together would hold back our full potential to become what we want to become.

My phone finally boots up and I get over 100 notifications from different people. Most of the texts were memes or TikToks and some were texts of concern. The one notification grouping to catch my eye is from Travis. 47 Unread messages from him. I delete the notifications and choose to ignore them. One day I'll come out of being a ghost, but for now, I need to be on my own. I call the restaurant and tell them I quit. They tell me to come in when I have time for my last paycheck. Luckily I work for a very understanding manager and it wasn't as bad as I initially thought it would be.

I start to pick up the trash from the counter and put the dishes in the sink. Today I decided to clean up a little. Growing up I learned that a messy room or house will lead to a messy life. That's what it feels like currently. Everything is a mess, from the floors to my head. Everything, cluttered and disorganized. Today I choose to change that. I'm a firm believer in wallowing in your own self-pity and sadness for a little, but I think I've been in this state for far too long. Has it been too long? Losing someone you truly love, is there a deadline for when you should feel happy again? I guess today we will find out if I am choosing it or if I still need to process everything a little longer.

Finishing up the kitchen and dining room area I go into the living room. The mess in here is unbelievable. A few pizza boxes here and there, napkins probably filled with a mixture of my snot and tears, and some empty beer bottles. I definitely didn't go about the situation the right way, but realizing it was better late than never I guess. I go back into the kitchen and grab two trash bags. One for trash and another for bottles and cans. I start with the pizza boxes on the floor and couch and toss them, moving onto the napkins and tissue paper after. I tie the bag of trash and leave it at the entrance to the living room. I go to the coffee table and start placing the bottles and cans into the bag carefully. I lift the last can feeling a little better and a smile even starts to form. Before the smile could fully appear on my face a polaroid is stuck on the bottom of the last can. I pick the picture off nonchalantly. At that moment it hit me. It was the picture of Travis and I on our first date.