My Alpha (Girlxgirl)

Chapter 16: New eyes

HELLO, I WAS THINKING OF DOING SOMETHING NEW. GIVE ME A SONG THAT REMINDS YOU OF THIS STORY AND I'LL PUT IT UP. :) THANKS FOR READING.

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Dream? What does it mean to dream?

Right now, all I could think about was to make my dreams into a reality. I'm tired of being afraid. I'm tired to being controlled by fear. I'm done showing weakness. As corny as it sounds, I have a dream. I don't want to see anyone or myself suffer anymore. I'm so sick of waking up in the morning wishing I didn't and having to go through war with myself just to get off the bed. I'm so sick of feeling helpless.

I'm done being weak. I need to do things for a change. I need to make a difference. This isn't some go green shit then start littering 2 weeks later. I will strive for my dream everyday, starting now. I'm not sure what I have to do but I know in time I will. I will figure it all out. How to get Carmen back. That's all I want right now.

I want her.

I don't know half of what she's been through. But, I do know loneliness. I know how it is to sit at home and to just look around. Imagining people around you. Imagining your mom and your dad. Imagining your mom in the kitchen cooking something amazing and being on your father's lap, making funny jokes. I know what that's like. Like your imagination, being in your own world is the only thing that makes u happy, that makes you feel like you're not alone. But, you know at the end of the day, just by you feeling that, you are alone.

You lay on your bed, covered in a blanket when there's thunder because no one is there to hold you. When you have to go to the kitchen and get some left overs from yesterday's Chinese food then heating it up and having to sit on a chair, in front of a family table and eating it by yourself at only the age of 7. Watching the empty dining seats around you and feeling a lump on your throat. You get up and eat in your bedroom because it hurts less. But, you still find yourself crying.

I know how that feels. I know how terrible it feels. I know the shivering in your chest when you're trying to breathe out. It hurts.

Carmen probably had gone through worse than I did. I can't let her keep suffering anymore. All I want to do is save her. I want her in my life. I want to hold her and tell her that she's never going to have to be alone again. After all, all she had was Kiera. And it's been two years. I was not the only one suffering so much after her death. Carmen too. Probably even worse than I. Although she blames me for what happened to Kiera, I don't care. She can blame me all she wants but I'm going to get her back.

She's my little sister after all.

I opened my eyes to a new day, staring at the line on the floor being drawn by the sunlight through my window. Is it weird that I get mesmerized by this? Or am just feeling emotionally stable after a really long time.

It's weird how when you finally find a purpose in life, you feel like you really have a reason to wake up in the morning. You feel that through all the terrible things you have to go through, all the fear, the suffering, the sorrow, the grief and everything that breaks you, there is hope. Because your purpose, your dream is what will make all the pain go away. It will make all the pain worth it because you have a reason.

You have hope.

That's how I feel. I feel like I have hope. It's been years since I felt hopeful.

I was pulled away from my deep thoughts after I heard a rough knock on the door, almost like someone banging.

"Emi! Get out! It's an emergency!" I heard Kate yelling on the other side of the door causing me to jump out of my bed. I quickly grabbed my blue muscle shirt on the table beside my bed and put in on. Yes, I do sleep half naked with only a boxer and bra. It's very comfortable.