Kill The Flame

give me tears

In the middle of the night and all I can do is think.
So sad but I can't even cry,
So much pain I can almost feel myself shrink.
I'm so tired of how much I have to try,
Think maybe the tears will come if I blink.

If only I could fly,
If only the earth would let me sink,
I don't want to feel this dry

Been so unhappy in life I have no idea how happiness even feels,
I've gotten so used to that hollow in my chest
I'm getting tired of trying so much to guess what heals
So tired of walking my life like a guest
So torn by the constant failure of everything that starts to feel real.
So tired of the questions my mind can't get.

When does life start feeling good,
Why is it that I seem alone in my suffering,
Is this what's supposed to be adulthood?
Was this what they meant by hustling,
Struggling to get food,
Feeling like in everything you're blundering?
Does it always feel like a tragic movie in Hollywood
Like life's a smoke, always choking,

All the feelings so smothering,
the life quickly going by
and I can't seem to hold anything
can't find that stability
can't see that lighting.
Did the end of the tunnel move further,
isn't there an ending
is life all just pain
why doesn't it get easier?

I read stories, stories of happiness
but I can't seem to find it.
Books on moving forward,
but my feet seem stuck in place.
I'm trudging through the sludge,
praying for a spot of hard ground to take a breath,
but all I find is swamp
why can't it be me today?
Why am I so sad but I can't even cry,
am I so alone that even tears won't keep me company?
my bed bites, my pillow hardens, my couch feels harder than rock.
am I destined to spend my nights pacing, on the cold hard floor.
the floor that adds to the coldness I feel inside.
give me tears,
give me something other than this emptiness in my chest that never fills.