mission failed

Scared to death

Vic
I don't know how it happened but all of a sudden I was in Natasha's arms being embraced in a warm hug. She felt so soft, I could fall asleep in her arms right here right now. I was too tired to fight, too tired to act tough. I was weak, I knew it, but I didn't care, not right now. I could smell her perfume it was nice, sweet, yet still tough. 

I was done, I don't care what they would do to me next. There was no way in hell that I was ever going to get to live a normal life, so what's the point. They could kill me for all I care. I had slipped up, I told her about Yelena. After a while Natasha pulled away, I could see the look in her eyes, I had seen it before, she pitied me. Her features were soft, and caring. I was only now starting to realize how close she was. My heart rate started to accelerate. She was still holding me at my upper arms, her grip was firm but soft at the same time. 

Slowly she started to let go, and she sat back onto the table. As soon as her skin was no longer touching mine I felt empty, I craved her touch. I didn't want this moment to end. I wanted to stay in her embrace forever. As she sat down on the table I went to sit back onto the chair, but I changed my mind. What was I supposed to do now, I don't have any information to give them, what will happen next? I got out form between the chair and Natasha and started pacing up and down along the wall. 

I was really starting to freak out, I tried to remember the RedRoom training but I couldn't focus. My emotions were running high. How was I even still alive, I was so weak, no one would have broken within a day. One day, one day was all it took for Natasha to break me. Dreykov was right she was the best there is. But was that what this was. Was she just breaking me or did she actually care. Why would she care? 

"What are you thinking Vic?"

Vic? she called me Vic, that was nice, her voice was nice. God I loved her voice. It calmed me down instantly. I no longer wanted to lie to her, I wanted her to everything, to know me. Maybe she could help me. No stop it, there is no helping me, I'm to far gone.

"I'm uh.. I d-don't know, I uh.. I'm scared" 

Did I really just admit that I was scared shitless, Fuck me I was weak. What would she think of me. An RedRoom assassin as weak as me, there was no pride in that. I was a failure, I have no place in this world. I should have just killed myself when I had the change. I had so many times that I should have just died, instead I was still here, why. What was the porous of this? What did I do to dieserve life, nothing, I was a disgrace.

Nat
After Victoria left my arms I felt empty, I wanted to cling onto her, but I was afraid she wouldn't feel the same. I sat back down on the table, looking at her, taking her in, she looked so gorgeous. Than something happened something changed. She seemed unease, distressed. She started pacing up and down along the wall. I was well aware that I should have kept her cuffs on. I wanted to know what was going on, I want to help her. 

"What are you thinking Vic?"

She stopped to look at me, first confused, then angry, but also scared. She appeared to settle down a bit as I spoke. Taking a moment to form the words, searching for an answer.

"I'm uh.. I d-don't know, I uh.. I'm scared"

She was really starting to open up to me. I hated seeing her so vulnerable, I really wanted to be there for her, to take away her pain. I loved it when she was all cocky and smirking at me, it made my stomach ache but in a good way.

"Why, what are you scared of? Let me help you." I pleaded.

"I - I, you wanna know what I'm scared of? I'm scared of everything! I'm scared to move. I'm scared to breathe. I'm scared to death. I don't want to die, not yet, but I deserve to, I should have died a long time ago. You want to know what scares me the most? It's living, what do I have to live for?"

She starts crying her eyes out, falling to her knees. I hurry my way over to her and sit down next to her. I pull her on my lap, hugging her tight while slowly rocking her body. My hand making small circles on her lower back. Eventually Vic started to calm down. Her tears turned into small sobs until they finally stopped. We sat there for half an hour before either of us moved. I loved how she felled, she head resting on my collarbone. 

"Miss Romanoff, will you please report to the conference room." Jarvis spoke.

I didn't want to move just yet, I wanted her to stay in my arms a little while longer. But I had to. At Jarvis request Victoria had moved off my lap and was now sitting next to me against the wall. I stood up and gave her a hand standing up.

"Will you be alright?" I asked careful. 

"Yeah, I'm fine, thanks. Uh.." she gave me a small nod, her voice was clear and strong. She looked as if she wanted to ask me something.

"Go ahead I won't bite. * unless you want me to ;) *  What did you want to ask?"

"Uhm, will you come by my cell later?"

"Yes of course, I'll be there as soon as I can." I say giving her a soft smile.

A/N

Hey as always feel free to leave a comment. I would like to hear what you all think of it so far. If you have any ideas for the future of this book don't hesitate to let me know. Let me know what you think Natasha is of doing right now?