new moon → t. caniff

july 30 2014

Wednesday

All I remember from yesterday was that I drowned in my own tears. I tried to follow after him, but four or five steps later I tripped and just lay there as the weather started to turn gloomy. Instead of the warm sun that baked my skin minutes earlier turned into sad rainfall, as it felt like the earth was feeling my pain; as if the sun started to cry because the moon never took into consideration that the sun died everyday countless times for her to live as she never died for him. That's probaly why more people like to be in daylight when the sun is out becuse they left the sun's pain. Most of the time the moon only shown parts of her, never the whole beauty until it was full moon.

Taylor was like the moon; he never really did die everyday countless of times for what he loved. Sure he died everyday like the sun for his fans, but hardly ever for me. I died countless times for him to fly out to LA and all he did was shine a part of the person he was.

Someone found me later that day. It was Mike too. I didn't much know if I wanted to see him or not, but it seemd like not very many people cared that I was lost somewhere in the pouring rain.

As soon as I got home I ignored my parents, my siblings, my friends. I locked myself in the steaming hot shower as my cold tears mixed with the hot water. No one bothered to talk to me in my state. I only came out for a box of tissues to and to grab countless numbers of movies, but nothing got his words out of my mind. It didn't help that I was wearing his sweater he gave me when we first started dating. I always wore it.

I'm still wearing it. I've been listing to I Miss You by Blink-182 on repeat. Honestly, getting the best relationshp in your life to stop abruptly if one of the worst things ever.

I went on twitter, too. Taylor didn't seem fazed that I was getting countless questions why we broke up. I decided that it's a good idea not to go on social media - or keep my phone - for a couple weeks, so I smiply tweeted that I would be back in a while and turned my phone off, buring it in my mothers bedroom. Hopefully I wouldn't have to see or hear his name in a while.

Just thinking about him has my eyes turning into a broken mess.