Where Do We Go From Here?

LONGING

Sana

"What do you need?" Dahyun asked me as I handed the papers to her.

"Those are our divorce papers," I said softly, avoiding her eyes. I needed to do this for myself.

"You want," she looks up slowly, "to continue the divorce now?"

She sounded nonchalant at the moment, and I hate it. I am done with this waiting game. I've already lost hope in our marriage and the possibility that we'll go back into each other's arms. But although she's always hurting me, I know that Dahyun was never a bad person, she's just sometimes misunderstood because of her calm and collected aura that people think that she doesn't care about anyone.

So she ends up hurting the people around her.

"Yes." I breathed.

"What about Jeongwoo?"

"What about him?"

Dahyun reminding me of our son made my heart split into two, but I already know the answer to this. I don't want Jeongwoo to be confused when he grows up. And he's actually the reason why I've been trying to stay in this marriage. I know that he's too young to understand now, but he's definitely going to understand things soon. I know that he would still be hurt no matter what.

But I'm already exhausted. I am so tired of fighting alone.

"We'll just share custody," I added mechanically. Repeating the words that I told myself over and over, before I went here.

"Are you really that excited to be with Tzuyu?" It hurts even more because it feels like I'm the one that prompted the separation. If it's only up to me, we would've gone to marriage counseling or something like that. And it's not as if I'm the one who has a girlfriend right now.

She looked at the papers just for a brief moment before setting it aside on her table as if it's just one of her business contracts that she can just check whenever she wants. What's more is that it feels like our marriage is like an expiring contract that would never be renewed again.

"We don't—", I sighed, there's no point in arguing with her. I don't really need to justify my decisions to her, right? I've been fighting for us for the past years. I forced myself to look straight into her eyes and reply as she raised her brows. "I think it's for the best."

I waited for Dahyun to say something, but then she just looked at me for a full minute before she looked at our divorce papers again. I expected her to sign it right now, because why wouldn't she? But the thought only made my heart shatter even more— because all those years that we're together, not only the years of our marriage, will be gone, just like that.

Dahyun doesn't sign though, she just nodded at me and I don't even know what that means.

"I'll get back to you." she said.

She pushed herself off her desk and extended her hands looking expectantly at me. I think she wants me to take her hand. But I'm sure that I shouldn't do that, because my resolve would definitely crumble again as my heart continues to wildly trash inside my chest.

"What?"

"Have lunch with me? We haven't done that in a while."

I just raised an eyebrow at her.

"I miss you." she says, her voice low and full of promise but I know that there's a possibility that she'll never make good on it. The words wrapped around my heart like an addiction that I can't seem to shake fully, that kept me rooted at the same spot where she left me. And Dahyun... oh, Dahyun, who can easily deceive me as she has the ability to stitch me back together even as she tears me apart.