Where Do We Go From Here?

[M][TW] I CAN'T STAY

[Trigger Warning: Depression, Anxiety, Madness]

Dahyun

I didn't mean to barge in. And I hadn't realized how early I was until I was already inside Sana's place. I entered her place and my heart clenched, making me clutch my chest, because of the perfect picture right in front of my eyes. I made sure that I won't do anything to disturb Sana and Jeongwoo's sleeping figure on the sofa. They were curled up together under the blanket that we all loved to use. Our baby was snoring gently, while Sana looked very peaceful, all of her worry lines disappeared.

I sighed. I haven't seen her so relaxed in over a year... since it all went to hell. Since I decided to put her in hell.

I looked for a piece of paper, trying not to make any sound so as to not wake them up, and wrote down a note, putting it on her office table.

I'm not sure if my heart could take it if I watched them any longer— they are perfect, near and so reachable, and yet a world away from me. I was not sure if I could take any of it. But I must do it.

So when Sana entered my office hours later, even though she still looked perfect in my eyes, the worry lines in her face reappeared. The deep lines of worry were back on her face and her eyes looked determined and defensive. I was quick to dissolve my feelings away and locked them up under the shield that I put on as I stood up, sitting opposite her on one of the many chairs in my office.

"What's with you and barging into my home just to leave a note? You really couldn't just text me?" Sana started, a question that I really don't have an answer to. I can't tell her that I want to see her. I cleared my throat and looked at her, pressing the tips of my fingers together, studying Sana carefully.

"I'm sorry, I thought you're already awake," I drawled, feeling Sana's irritation under my gaze. I can't back out now that she's here— so I better put on another show. "I wanted to tell you that I'm taking Jeongwoo for two months. I've already talked to my lawyer about it."

"What?" Sana frowned, snatching the papers that I'm about to give her, then looking back at me in confusion. I cleared my voice as I watched her go through the words, going pale only slightly before she started getting flushed and eventually looked up at me with anger and surprise sweeping through her beautiful features. "What the hell am I reading?"

"Now, here I was thinking that you could read," I deadpanned, rolling my eyes as I leaned forward. "It's about Jeongwoo's custody— just for two months. Right now, it was shared between us given that you're his mother—"

" — I am his mother—"

" — now we decided to change the situation a bit, Sana," I said. It had stung to go back to calling her by her name, instead of our endearment, but there was no going back. "I know that you've been working hard and handling Jeongwoo, and your other... affairs. So I thought I wanted to at least give you two months of free time, for you to have a breather. This will be put in motion tomorrow, and I will get full custody of Jeongwoo for two whole months. Of course, you'll be allowed to visit hours and days whenever you find convenient in between your busy schedule." I hadn't meant it in a way that she's giving no time to our child, because that was never the case, nor I mean to sound harsh. But I couldn't help it. If you wear a mask for so long, it becomes a habit.

"You—" her voice was shaking, her fingers running through her perfect hair, "You foul hateful creature!"

"And here I was thinking that we had passed the insulting phase," I tried to cover the hurt with my best snarl, schooling my face to look relaxed, indifferent, opposite of everything that I was feeling at the moment. Sana's furious look proved to me that I indeed succeeded.