TREPIDATION // h.s

CHAPTER 42 //

Delilah Allen

I've always known that I'm a person who feels things very deeply.

When I'm sad, I'm so deeply sad. When I'm mad, I'm deeply mad.

When I love, I love deeply. When I care, I care deeply.

I always thought I felt life more intensely than most people, the good and the bad.

All those emotions are starting to seem silly and simple to me now. They're nothing really compared to what I feel for him.

Not to much surprise, I haven't been able to sleep.

How could I? I have no idea what's going on with Harry's mom, and before, he looked so emotionless and numb. I've never seen him like that before.

He is also someone who feels deeply, I've come to know. And seeing him so empty could not mean anything good.

I don't know much about his mom's health either, so I'm not sure if this is a regular thing, or if there is something very wrong.

All I do know is that I'm worried, very worried. I don't know what he'll do if something happens to her.

I stop my pacing and fall down on my bed, I stare up at the ceiling. A million thoughts and worst-case scenarios running through my mind.

God, please.

Please let everything be okay.

My eyes gape open when my phone vibrates next to me on the nightstand. I extend my arm out and I grab it. Relieved when I see the only name I know I wished for.

Harry: Are you awake?

I sit up straight on my bed, and I cross my legs. My hands shake a little as I try to type him a message.

Li: Yeah, I am. Is everything okay?

I bring my hand up to my mouth, and I chew on the nails, nervously waiting for him to reply. My overthinking is a curse I don't expect to shake anytime soon.

I picture different outcomes of what might happen, and how they will affect our life. I can literally feel the hole inside my stomach as I wait for his message.

Harry: She's fine, yeah.

I exhale a deep breath, that's one mountain overcome, but there is another one staring me straight in the eye.

Li: That's great news. And you? Are you okay?

There passes a few seconds where he doesn't respond, and it makes me way too nervous. I feel a  deep sting in my finger as I tear into the skin next to my nail bed.

Finally, the three dots show up at the bottom of my screen and I can breathe normally again.

Harry: I need you.

Oh.

My heart is racing as I type the message. My mind in overdrive.

He needs me.

Li: You're home?

Harry: Yeah.

And no further questions needed to be asked. I left right then and went downstairs to him.

For the first time since I felt his touch, his skin wasn't flaming against mine, he felt cold.

Cold, and worn-out, and tired, and scared.

He didn't have his usual radiance and confidence. This reminded me too much of last time.

When I first got there, he just held me. He didn't say much. I had a lot of questions, sure, but I couldn't find it in myself to risk upsetting him more, and this wasn't about me. More than I wanted to know what was going on, I just wanted to be there for him.