TREPIDATION // h.s

CHAPTER 16 //

Delilah Allen

I really enjoyed the movie with Matteo. We talked and laughed and he even held my hand at one point. I really had fun. But I find myself wondering if there could be something more between us than just friends.

I mean he is kind and funny and he makes me feel safe and happy, not even mentioning he is gorgeous, but I feel like there is just something missing.

I don't feel that burning sensation when he touches me, I don't feel like I'm on another planet. I don't feel a rush when I'm with him. I don't feel wild and free. I feel normal, orthodox. But honestly, I don't think it's such a bad thing anymore.

I know if I end up with someone like him, I'll always be safe and happy. I would probably have a few kids, grow old with him, and live happily ever after. And that's enough, right?

"Thanks, Matteo, this was great !" I smile up at him when we're standing outside Niall's apartment. I just quickly want to go talk to Quinn and then I'm going to bed.

"Yeah it really was amazing, you're amazing." He says shyly and I feel my cheeks turning red. He gently takes my elbow and pulls me in closer. "Do you mind?" He asks, leaning in closer. I shake my head, and he then closes his eyes and plants his lips on mine.

I hold back my breath for a second, waiting for the bliss to rush over me, and for my head to start spinning, as it has with the last kiss I had. But there is nothing.

I slowly start to kiss him back, a little bit confused and disappointed by the kiss. He's not a bad kisser or anything, but it's not exciting or passionate or all-consuming like my kiss with Harry was. I cringe when I realize that I'm thinking of Harry when it's Matteo's lips that are on mine right now.

I try my best to erase Harry from my mind and to let myself be engrossed by an intense, burning kiss, but it just doesn't happen.

I internally breathe out a sigh of relief when the door next to us opens and interrupts our kiss. Only to feel like dying again when ironically, it's Harry.

"Well, well, look who turned up. It's nice of you two to join us." His eyes devour me as he puffs on the cigarette sitting between his lips.

I focus my gaze back on Matteo and I pull his arm to move him away from the door. "I'll see you tomorrow, thanks for the amazing night," I delicately kiss him on the cheek, in one last attempt to feel the rush. My heart drops when yet again, nothing.

"Bye." He smiles and he makes his way to the elevator, giving me a wave before the doors close.

"Isn't that just lovely?" Harry announces hanging with his arm on the doorframe. 

"Could you move?" My tone is clearly agitated. I seriously am fed up with his shit, and I told him to stay away from me, so I don't appreciate him blocking me from entering or just coming near me at all. He moves away and sways his arm, guiding for me to enter.

I walk into Niall's apartment, and as expected it's once again packed with people. I walk around the corner, Harry following close behind me. I peek around and see everyone sitting on the couch.

When I was getting ready to go to the movies, I called Quinn and told her how much I hate Harry, and that he's the biggest dick I've ever met, but I also told her about my date. She told me to come here straight after and tell her everything, which would explain the reason I'm here right now, and honestly, I was a little curious.

"Lila you're back!" She screams from the couch as I approach them. Niall suddenly runs to me and picks me up. He carries me over to the couch and places me next to Quinn. "Tell us everything!" He says in a high-pitched voice, acting like a girl. Harry slumps down next to me on the couch, with a cup in his hand. He is obviously interested in this conversation, he'd never admit it though.

"Well he took me for dinner at this really nice Italian place," I start "And then we just went to the movies. I don't know he held my hand and-"

"And then he took you home and kissed you goodbye on your doorstep. Yeah, I think we've all watched that movie before." Harry interrupts me in the most sarcastic voice I think I'd ever heard.

I turn my head to look him straight in the eye, I could hit him right across his beautiful face right now.

He looks at me with the same face of disgust he has been the past few days. "You really are the most boring person I've ever met."

I bite my cheek, and I try my best to withhold any type of emotion from showing on my face. I refuse to give him the satisfaction of seeing me hurt. I look away from him, and I touch Quinn's arm to get her attention.

"I'm going to bed, I'm super tired," I smile, I hope it's convincing enough.

"I'll see you tomorrow." She leans over and kisses my temple. I stand up, fixing my dress, and waving to everyone saying goodbye when someone grabs my hand. I turn around, and obviously, it's Harry.

"Let me take you home." He has a soft look in his eyes. This only makes me madder. I snap my hand out of his and I take a step back.

"How many times do I have to tell you to leave me the fuck alone," I shout, louder than I wanted to. I realize everyone is looking at me. I look around me, embarrassed. Then I bolt, and within seconds, I am out of the apartment.

I can't do this anymore, I feel like his main goal in life is to make mine miserable. I don't know what I ever did to him. Ever since I got here I've tried my best to be kind to him and to avoid conflict, but he on the other hand goes out of his way to boil my blood. And I have more respect for myself than to stand for his shit anymore.

I'm going to confront him tomorrow and tell him exactly how I feel. I hope after that he gets the message and then he will never talk to me ever again.

I know there is some sort of sexual attraction thing going on between us, which I don't quite understand but it doesn't change the fact that he is a complete asshole, and I won't stand for it.

I go to bed with peace of mind, feeling confident and ready to talk to Harry. I think I might get through to him if I show him I'm not scared of him.

//