WITH AND WITHOUT YOU. heeseung ✓

SIX

　

EUNSEO thought that although her belief towards love and relationship in general was a bitter reminder of her parent's failed marriage, there would be someone out there to make her feel like she was beyond the clouds, that no matter how many storms pass by her, she'd remain afloat, savoring in the beauty of what the subject has to offer to her.

And she did thought once that maybe, that person was Heeseung. He did show her the many phases of falling in love and how beautiful it is. How sanative love is despite its many flaws, she did believe she found it in him.

Only to go back in ground zero when her engagement with Heeseung was slowly deteriorating like a flimsy flower stem in a storm.

Love was not beautiful. It was, in the beginning, but it was painful to go through different stages only to have you set your thoughts in a different light everytime things doesn't go the way you want them to.

Why was love so hard?

So hard to do.

So hard to learn.

So hard to understand.

And so hard to tame.

Had she listened to the tattle before, would she avoid this painful tweak in her chest now?

Heaving in a deep breath, Eunseo continued to cry while Yujin rubbed her back.

The two were no longer in the cafe but in the apartment complex of the latter for a much needed privacy. She was already feeling pathetic as it is, Eunseo didn't want to show that side of her for the whole world to see.

“He just doesn't feel like he cares for me nor does it feel like he still loves me. It's almost like he knows he doesn't but he just wants to avoid the confrontation as much as he can so he leaves, so he avoids me and acts cold,” Eunseo covered her mouth with her left palm as tears ran freely on her cheeks, tainting her skin red and wet. “I try, every fucking time. I tried to make up for the things that he did wrong. Every fucking time I tried my best to act like I'm okay with how he's treating me and how he's being but it just doesn't get me anywhere.”

For months she bottled everything in. Though worried and confused, not once did Eunseo opened up to someone to directly say her problems because it has been a part of her former shell, that she could shoulder her burdens all alone. It was an automatic response of her brain to hide everything and not once did she break in front of other people.

Until now.

“If he doesn't love me anymore, if he wants to leave then why can't he just directly tell me?” Eunseo slowly muttered, her cries easing down as she wiped her tears away. Yujin helped her to lean back on her couch, a worried look plastered on her face that she couldn't help but think of doing inhumane things to the asshole who made her weep like this. “It would be so, so much better if he's being honest. But he's not.”

Sighing, Yujin took her hand from Eunseo’s back before pouring her friend a drink. “Maybe you should be too, you know?” She spoke while handing Eunseo a cup. The latter looked at her, as if gesturing her to explain her line of thought even further.

Yujin sighed, grabbing a throw pillow and placing it on her lap. “What I meant is, maybe you should be honest with him as well. If you're tired and feels like your relationship isn't getting any better, wouldn't it be wise if you tell him that directly too?”

Oh how much of a hypocrite she is. Eunseo considered her friend's words, letting the thought sink in before Yujin spoke again.

“It would be easier for you to move past this if you'd be honest with him just like how you want him to be honest with you.”

“But I love him.”

Yujin stared pitifully at her friend, already knowing well that the next words coming out of her mouth would hurt Eunseo even more.

“But sometimes love isn't just enough Eun. And sometimes, love doesn't end the way we want them to. Love doesn't always end in happily ever after but maybe you'll have that, just probably not with Heeseung.”