Even in a Million Years

Nineteen

Bailey

It scared me when he hugged me yesterday.

The physical contact it wasn't something I expected nor was I used to. I usually try to avoid it.

But he needed it.

And damn did I miss it.

I guess not contact in totality. That kind of stuff still freaks me out at times.

Just contact from him.

I missed him.

And I know damn well he isn't okay. I am dealing, I can feel myself slowly but surely healing. I am getting better. But he isn't, he's stressed, it's obvious. He's lost the confidence he had, he's hurting and I don't know how to help him.

Whether I liked it or not...who am I kidding— I always liked it even when I said I didn't—Caleb had this dominating presence that took up a room when we were kids. He was a natural leader, he liked control and anyone who looked his way could see the confident power radiating off him.

He doesn't have it anymore.

He never liked talking about his emotions or where his head was at. He'd always brush it off, he was always fine. He got used to being the support, the one people, myself included, leaned on. He forgot to let himself lean on people too. In that sense we were alike, he doesn't want to be burden on anyone else, that's how he sees it.

He isn't though, he never has been.

"I like the banana cake but I don't think it's like wedding enough," Brett states staring at his plate. He was staring so intently, like the cake would answer all of his questions to the universe and I resist laughing.

"I was thinking the same thing," Ace nods in agreement.

"If you want banana get the banana, who cares if it's not wedding-y enough," Caleb just about groans besides me. We had been at this bakery for about three hours now...just eating cake.

We don't even like cake.

"We'll make it wedding-y," I add "It's your wedding you choose the flavor you want,"

"Wedding-y isn't a word," Ace narrows his eyes at  the two of us

"It is now," He and I both retort at the same time.

They huff but listen nonetheless. They both agreed on the banana cake and fifteen minutes later the four of us were walking out of there. More so Caleb and I pushing the two out before the could change their minds.

Twenty day countdown starts today. The bachelor party is in five days, we still have the rehearsal the day before, the decorations have all been coordinated and the backyard is being rearranged and set up in a way fit for a wedding.

Caleb figured everything out for the bachelor party and according to him, the one band I wanted was too expensive so he's looking for another one. Honestly I'll give him the responsibility of that becuase one I'm stressed and two his music taste was always better than mine.

He offered to pay for the band I wanted but I couldn't ask that of him. We just started talking again, I couldn't start asking favors just because he has money to afford them, that's shitty as hell. Besides it was my idea, he shouldn't be spending thousands just for something I wanted. He's surely got more to worry about.

"Okay we need a break, we're gonna stop home for a bit and then meet you guys at fittings?" Brett questions

"I need a nap after eating all of that cake," Ace grins "We can drop you off before going back to our place," he looks at me and I just nod.