Even in a Million Years

Twenty-nine

Bailey

I look at my reflection, impossible for anyone to see that tears had been falling just minutes ago. Makeup is a wonderful thing.

He said it.

And it was like a punch to my chest.

It came out so naturally, I know he wasn't thinking or doing anything consciously but it didn't make it hurt any less.

I loved that name. I loved when he called me it, but now I can't stomach it. He isn't mine anymore, and the feelings from him simply calling me a nickname cannot arise.

He is marrying someone else. He loves someone else, someone who is not my biggest fan. I need to respect that boundary. Who the hell am I to reappear in his life after eight fucking years, after putting him through the pain of abandonment, just to want him back?

It's fucked up. He doesn't deserve that, he deserves so much fucking more than that. He is at a good place in his life, my return could only uproot that and I will be damned if I fuck anything up for him again. I want the best for him, and being with me isn't it.

Taking one last shaky breath I open the door, only to be met with the man who has occupied my thoughts for way longer than he should be, standing way closer than I expected within the small confines of the hallway.

"Why are you crying?"

"I was peeing Co," I place a smile on my lips for added effect in an attempt to convince him.

"Belle," There's no humor on his face, only concern in his eyes.

"Caleb," I state, looking up at him. I really didn't mean to freak out.

"You're not okay," he says quietly,

"I'm fine,"

"If I got a dollar every time you said that when it wasn't true, I wouldn't need to play football," his statement was humorous, yet his face was cold. Analyzing almost.

I just huff loudly, leaning back against the opposite wall staring at him. I need to keep myself in check, im not going to ruin any aspect of his life again.

Our families get loud as we stand here, shut away from the main cabin.

"We're going to talk," he walks into the small
Bedroom slightly down the hall, I stay rooted in my spot.

"Bailey,"

"Caleb it's okay really," I attempt to reassure him that it's fine. We're fine, but he doesn't buy it. He has this look on his face, it's one stating that this notion isn't up for debate. With a sigh I follow him in.

He leaves the door open behind me, something on thankful for not because I fear he'll do anything but because he took into consideration my past. He didn't need to but he did.

"I'm sorry Bailey, I wasn't thinking,"

"You have nothing to apologize for Caleb," I shake my head at him. It's my own mind overthinking every action and word he makes, terrified to overstep a boundary.

"I do. I didn't think that shit would fuck  with your head and I should've put more consideration into that," He refutes.

"You shouldn't have to censor yourself around me Caleb," I shake my head "That was just my overthinking," and attempt to bury any feelings I can feel resurfacing.

He is at a good place, he doesn't need me rentering his life just to fuck it up again.

"Overthinking about what?"