Even in a Million Years

Forty-Nine

Bailey

"I was getting horny watching you two last night hell,"

Thank you Lexi because that is what I needed to hear.

We'd been recounting last night, and everything. I was suprised at the calm I felt with him. Him holding me, every small touch, his fucking hand around my throat during that damn game.

I didn't like being touched by men like that, not since Vince. I would give hugs, I'm fine with small touches but quite honestly the manhandling I once loved I couldn't get through without freaking out.

But I felt nothing but the best kind of mess when Caleb did it. There was no fear that he'd take it too far, there was not even hint of wanting to run from him.

I was so close to kissing him last night. In the water when he held me, I'd never felt more safe. He was my safe place, I was never scared that he'd take what he wanted and leave me, he'd never hurt me.

"Honestly though," Amy grins

"I'm going to gag," Arya snips, "That is my brother,"

"Your incredibly gorgeous football playing one," Lexi grins, "Please, your parents birthed fine ass children, I'm obviously going to get all hot and bothered when he's got his hand around our equally fine ass friends throat,"

Well she's got a point there. Weeks ago that would have been out of the question. Again though, with him doing it, I had no issues. The exact opposite actually. It was hot... and something I missed.

"Plus I haven't had sex in forever," Lexi chimes and I send her a glare.

"Put that face away bitch I don't want to fuck Kazer," she shrugs, "My interest is more so in his teammate,"

"Not why I gave you a look but okay," It morphs into a grin.

"Wait which one?" Arya now interested in the conversation chimes.

"Ferguson, I wanna climb that man like my own personal jungle gym,"

"Cannot blame you," Arya sits back, "I can get you his number,"

"I already have it," that gets us all looking at her, "What?"

"You have his number?"

"Yeah," she grins "Gave it to me at the fundraiser,"

I just shake my head and smile. Of course Lexi of all people, would bag an NFL player. My mind was still racing, thinking about Caleb. I was drunk last night, but I didn't do anything I wouldn't have done sober. That is what scares me.

There's too many logistics, he's in Chicago and I'm in California. Our jobs, he's traveling for half the year and I can't go with him. Kids, I don't even want to think about that.

I don't want to lead him on, I don't want to present the possibility of a future when I don't even know if that can happen. I want it to, god do I want that to happen, but the execution I don't know.

"Hey you okay?" Em comes over and sits beside me.

"Yeah I'm just thinkin," I smile at her lightly,

"About?"

"Just things," I shrug, "Last night was a lot for me,"

"With Caleb?"

"Yeah," I nod, "He held me, and we" I find it hard to say it. We almost kissed, and I wanted him to more than anything. "He almost kissed me,"

"What?" The smile on her face is crazy, like she's been waiting for this. Well if I'm being honest with myself, she probably has.

I just nod. "I wanted him to,"