NEVER LEAVING YOUR HEART ALONE

BAD WORDS

Derek insisted Meredith stay home for several days after the incident at the hospital. After arguing to to avail, she finally gave in and stayed home. Four days. Four days of torment, of having absolutely nothing to do. Four days of playing candyland and every possible board game suitable for Anna. Four days of swimming, and nature walks, as Anna called them. Four days and she was going out of her mind. She needed to cut.

Meredith grabbed the package of ground beef and threw it in a bowl. Meatloaf. She could make meatloaf. She had to do something. It was her last day of her vacation, that wasn't a vacation. It was actually more of a torture tactic. She had to do the mommy thing. The domestic thing. She grabbed the rest of the ingredients and threw them into a bowl, mixing it with her hands.

"Oh god..." She muttered as she felt the meant between her fingers.

"Whatcha doing mommy?" Anna asked as she bounced in the kitchen.

"Making dinner." She said with a smile on her face.

"You don't cook." Anna said with a sour face.

"I do today." Meredith said as she continued. She looked down at the recipe card and shook her head.

"Will it be good?" Anna asked as she looked at the bowl and scrunched her nose.

"Of course it will be good, I'm making it." Meredith said as she glanced up.

"Oh." Anna said as she walked away with a worried look on her face. "Can we go swimming?" Anna asked with a grin.

"Again?" Meredith asked with a frown.

"It won't be summer forever." Anna said, trying to butter her mother up.

"Yeah. Fine. But I have to get this in the oven." Meredith said as she started forming her meatloaf.

Meredith slid on her new bathing suit. She was huge. Way too big. The way she looked and felt right now, she would never be the way she once was. Black. She thought black was supposed to be flattering. Not so much.

"Okay." Meredith said when she reached the front door.

"You're swimming too?" Anna asked as she looked at Meredith.

"I am today." Meredith answered as they both walked out. They walked down to the pond and slowly waded their way in.

"Mommy...how will the babies get out of your belly?" Anna asked as she looked at Meredith's abdomen.

"Um...well... Mommy doesn't want to think about that right now. It will hurt." Meredith said as she grabbed a raft and climbed on.

"But why will it hurt?" Anna asked as she climbed onto Meredith's raft.

"It just will." Meredith answered as they floated out.

"That's not an answer. And you are embarrassed or you don't want me to know." Anna said as she looked over at Meredith.

"Okay, imagine pushing a basketball out of your mouth. Now where they come out is smaller than that." Meredith said frankly for lack of a better description.

"Oh." Anna said in shock as she opened her mouth and stretched it. "Oh... "

"I don't want the twins to come. They're going to hurt you. And then they will cry. And they will keep us up all night." Anna said with a frown. "And they can't play with my toys. Everything is mine and they can't have it. And you are my mommy and they can't have you either."

"Anna, the twins will be too small to play with your toys. But no matter what, you have to share. And just because the twins are coming, doesn't mean that we won't love you anymore. We're still your mommy and daddy." Meredith said as she looked into her eyes.