Rigs Redding University: Bexley 2

Chapter Four

DANE

I lead Kai back to our townhouse. I can tell he's just...numb. The guilt has eaten him alive this week and we spent some time talking over why he overreacted like he did. It all stems back to our mother, of course, as most intensely painful, highly emotional things in our lives always seem to.

Ryker Smythe: She's talking. You want to see her later?

Fuck.

I'm worried Kai will have a nervous breakdown if this goes on too long with him blaming himself without absolution, but I'm also worried that if we're all too tired and she's too emotional from everyone else crawling up her ass with apologies that it won't go well. I'm not sure who to try to take care of first here, Kai or Bex.

Fuck it. It really can't wait.

Dane Jensen: Yeah, if she's willing. Can you ask her? I don't want to make her see us but I also don't want to make Kai wait to see her either.

Ryker Smythe: I'll get back to you.

Dane Jensen: K

I leave Kai sitting on the couch to grab a couple of beers from the fridge. He's lying on his side on the couch when I get back and he looks so fucking exhausted and absent. He looks just like he does when our mom goes off the fucking deep end and is sick and we don't know what's going on or if she'll be okay. The way she lies and hides things drives up the stress levels for my brother and our father and this thing with Bexley...lying or withholding information that could cause her injury...it's got the same feel to it even though it comes from a different place and on Bexley's end was really very innocent and understandable. Our mother? She doesn't want to be stopped once she goes down her road to hell, because when she goes? She's going all the fucking way.

Kai got close to Bexley one-on-one that night too and it meant a lot to him. He doesn't get the same kind of time with her that I do and I know it bothers him. He told me he was alarmed when he left the bathroom for Bexley to get out of the tub but she let Oz come in while she changed into new clothes. I asked him if he left because she asked or if he just left and he admitted he just left, didn't try to stick around. So that's neither here nor there. He also said he realized he was waiting to see her until there was a reason to and not seeking her out just because he wanted to.

Regardless, we both have to be careful to avoid applying lessons from our mother to Bexley. Oz feels really strongly that none of us, not even Eli or Phoenix, made Bexley feel secure enough in our relationship for her to just hop up off the bed that night and tell us to go fuck ourselves. He thinks that her behavior is indicative of a lack of security in our feelings, our investment in her, and I get that.

I mean, if I heard Bexley and the guys discussing cutting me out of our relationship and calling me disgusting? I would totally hide to lick those wounds, I might be really wary of people who have seemingly turned on a dime just as I was getting to trust and rely on them.

I'm ashamed of all of us and I'm angry that it was Kai who said the words aloud even though they were the words on all our minds. We were all agreeing that she messed up and needed to be, like, shown the error of her ways or some shit.

I don't know who the hell we think we are, trying to punish her or teach her a lesson instead of just fucking talking to her. I feel pretty stupid looking back.

Then again...had she not run off we could've talked instead of getting all weird. I don't know, at this point we have to talk about what we think we should do when things go sideways so this doesn't happen again. I'd rather not dwell though, I'd like to move on and pin her back down.