There is Everything for You Here

Chapter 30

The next day, late in the afternoon, when I woken up again from another nap, I felt Klara sink into the bed next to me. I knew it was her by the way she wrapped her arms around me, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear.

"Hi friend," she whispered. "Ready to wake up yet?" I turned to face her, trying not to fall off my then crowded bed.

"Almost," I said. "I just want to wallow a bit longer."

"That sounds about right. Anything you want to talk about?" I sighed deeply, focusing on her strong cheekbones instead, admiring the way her skin shone.

"No, not really."

"Are you sure?" She looked at me skeptically, eyebrows raised.

"Well, I think it's just—" my eyes were already starting to fill with tears. "I just wish someone would treat me like I mattered," I admitted. There it was. The heavy truth. I knew my brother loved me, and my mother and father probably did as well, but I wish I had a friend to treat me like I mattered too. Maybe I did have friends who I mattered to here, but with Isaac gone the wound of loneliness felt fresh again, doomed to fester forever. I felt a lump form in my throat, but I couldn't move my mouth from the twisted frown I had, to be able to swallow it. "I think, maybe I am not meant to be loved." I pressed my mouth into a hard line to keep more tears from coming. Slowly raising my head to look at Klara, I was surprised to see tears in her eyes too.

"Oh Stella," she said, and leant forward, giving me a hug. "I am so sorry you feel that way. I can't imagine how lonely that must feel." Tears gushed down my face as she held me, my head resting snugly on my shoulder. We stayed that way for a long time. I felt so touch starved that I could have stayed there forever. Eventually I pulled away, wiping tears from my swollen eyes. Klara grabbed my hands and looked me in my eyes, her eyes lined with red as I expected my own to be. "Stella, you have me now, and Luke, and Jameela. I can't speak to your life before, but we will be here for you now. We love you so much, and I'm going to try and make sure you never feel that way again." She smiled gently, reassuringly. "Even if Isaac is not here anymore, we always will be."

Somehow, I knew she was telling the truth. Somehow this triggered way more crying, and she was holding me all over again. We stayed there for what was probably another half hour before Klara sat up. "Come on, Let's get ourselves cleaned up," she said, and stood up and walked out of our room. She returned quickly with two cold face cloths in hand. "Just lie back and let the cold water do its de-puffing," she advised. We lay side by side on the tiny bed together, my hand in hers, for a long time.

Long after our eye towels had warmed back up, I broke the silence.

"Isaac is gone." My voice was about as hoarse as you'd expect it to be. Klara shifted next to me, lifting her eye towel up to look at me.

"He is."

"This is going to sound weird, but I think I was a lot happier with him around. I feel like I'm never going to feel that way again."

"It doesn't sound weird at all," She reassured. "But you're wrong about being happy. There is no one romantic partner who is going to bring you out of this. You'll feel happy again, you can count on that." Klara sat up, pulling the towel fully off her eyes. They looked a lot less puffy, and I hoped mine were the same. "Stella, listen to me." I sat up, pushing myself back into the cushions on my bed.

"Yeah?"

"It's important to remember this as you go through life, okay? Love is the key." She grasps my hands, making pointed eye contact with me. "But it's not romance that we need to look for. It's friendship." I sighed deeply, knowing she was right.