♥𝒽𝑜𝓂𝑒 ♥ {𝓜𝓲𝓬𝓱𝓪𝓮𝓵 𝓒𝓵𝓲𝓯𝓯𝓸𝓻𝓭}

so close but so far away

we sat in a silent that seemed to last forever. he took a spot on the side of the curb while i just stood on the sidewalk, staring at him from time to time. eventually an uber pulled up. i was laying on the sidewalk staring at the sky as tears rolled down my face. michael stood above me, i tried not to look at him and just stare past him at the moon and stars above. "c'mon liv" he finally, softly spoke. i shook my head "just go without me. i can tell you need space right now" he sighed "liv i'm not going without you. you're too far from the club to walk back in those shoes and i'm not leaving you here to get mugged by some crusty french dude. now get up and get in the car." i pushed myself up off the ground and wiped my tears away carefully. he pulled me in for a tight hug and walked me to the uber.

once i had crawled in he smiled at me and shut the door, i rolled down the window as he stepped back onto the curb. "a-are you not coming with m-me?"i teared up again, he looked down and shook his head. a tear fell, why wasn't he coming with me? we could talk this out and figure out what to do like we always did. was he leaving me without letting me know? what was he thinking? i needed him and i thought he needed me just as much.. maybe i'm wrong... my breathing got heavier, i started to panic. i couldn't let him leave me without telling me why, but i didn't know what to do. how could i keep him here?

"livvy, baby relax, i've just gotta make sure the boys don't get blackout drunk and make it to the van, ill see you in a little while okay?"

"baby i can stay with you and we can help them together and then we can talk at the hotel"

"no, liv i cant- i cant see you in that club right now okay? i need space right now, like you said. and you being in that club after what happened i just- i cant."

"i get it but ill stay in the van just please don't leave me i- i- i need you right now i- after what i just did ill overthink and i cant- i don't- ill freak out and the boys are already super drunk so itll take forever and i-" he cut me off

"liv! stop! okay? you'll be fine. just... i need space right now. i cant deal with you clinging onto me like if you let go ill fucking disappear or something and the boys all at the same time and im not going to. got it?!" he said angrily, then mumbled "this is what i meant by you only fucking think about how you feel" more tears dropped from my eyes onto my cheeks. his eyes widened as he realized what he had said "fuck liv i'm sor-" this time i cut him off. if i was a burden to him then id make his life easier... even if it killed me.

"no michael. i'm fucking done, just like you okay? i only think about myself remember? so guess what i'm gonna do. you and i? we're done." i opened the door of the uber and started walking back to the club as fast as i could. "now i'm gonna go find someone that thinks of me as more than just a burden" fuck fuck fuck what am i doing. i could hear his steps in the wet grass, he was walking slowly behind me. "liv" he spoke so quietly i barely heard him. i didn't want to turn around, i knew if i did id take it back. he deserves someone so much better than me... i sighed and turned around slowly, "yes?" he was avoiding eye contact but he looked so broken. i felt my heart break in half. but i was doing this for him, i didn't want to hurt him anymore. so id keep him from the pain. he finally looked at me, tears brimmed in his green eyes that i loved so much, the ones that would be forever branded into my memory. his eyebrows scrunched together and he whispered, his voice breaking as he spoke each syllable "....fuck you, you can go to hell" and with that he started walking ahead of me, bumping into my shoulder as he passed by me. i kept repeating in my head 'this is for him, don't take it back you're doing this for him' as i lifted up my legs to take a step, i felt so weighed down. but eventually i made it into the club. i went back to the table we were sitting at. luke and ashton were gone. maybe they were on the dance floor with cal? i pushed through the crowd of people looking for them. it seemed to take forever. i'd hoped they hadn't already left. i needed to get to cal. i needed him before i lost my mind even more.