♥𝒽𝑜𝓂𝑒 ♥ {𝓜𝓲𝓬𝓱𝓪𝓮𝓵 𝓒𝓵𝓲𝓯𝓯𝓸𝓻𝓭}

the elevator

ouuu *drama*
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calums pov:
"i get it. but... i think you already have cal..." she whispered and rested her head against my chest.
my heart started racing, what?

"Wh-what do you mean Livvy? how- how could i do that in less than 24 hours..? liv you- you belong with Michael.. we wouldn't work! we're best friends, and I'm not gonna be the guy that steals his best friends girl just because he's in love with her. I cant do that to Michael! I'm not going to let this turn to a whole  best friends to lovers thing! I-I'm sorry but I cant"

"i know cal, and im not okay with hurting michael in that way either so trust me when i say i wasnt saying we should get together. i love michael, and you're my best friend who if i lost i'd probably lose any ability to live my life normally. i cant lose you, nor can i lose michael. i love you both way too damn much" she said. i half smiled "i love you too liv, you should go back to yours and michaels room. you two need to figure stuff out too" she nodded and stood up

"cya hood, thank you" she smiled as she opened the door, "bye livvy, anytime" she waved and walked out, shutting the door behind her. i breathed out heavily and put my head in my hands. at least i have the self control to not fuck around with my best friends girl who's also my best friend and the girl i've been in love with since like grade 7. she said i already have, so i guess buried feelings make kissing the person you've secretly wanted for a while make it harder not to want them huh? no kidding...

kissing her was one of the greatest things ive done in my life and it was only for a few seconds, but she was my best friends fiancé, and my best friend since kindergarten. if i did anything with her he'd have me killed like he wanted to with mason. as many times as i have thought about telling liv how i feel about her and seeing it turn into something wonderful, i cant. i cant do that to my best friend. i'd rather leave the band and practically fall off the face of the earth just so i dont fall for her any deeper than see how things between us would go. maybe im making the biggest mistake of my life, but if itll protect my friendships.. thats really all that matters to me. because id rather die a painful death all alone instead of losing my 2 bestfriends. 

i felt my phone buzz in my pocket, when i pulled it out there was a text from ashton saying he was gonna go out to pick up some food and wanted to know if id go with him. i decided i would, to keep my mind off the fact that my best friend is also the love of my life whom i cant have because my other best friend has her wrapped around his finger. 

he told me to meet him in the lobby, maybe i could talk to him about this? i have before. and hes not one to get mad about my feelings on something. luke on the other hand, i love the boy but if i told him anything about me feeling something other than friendly with liv, hed end up killing me just as bad as michael. and of course i cant talk to michael about it because, well.. its his girl.

i ran to the elevator and pressed the button, waiting for the doors to open so i could go to the lobby. once i entered the elevator and the doors had shut, i leaned against the cool wall and breathed out heavily. this was gonna be a long ass tour, normally they're completely enjoyable. and as much as i know ill love this one because of course i love our fans and i love getting to go out on stage and do what i do best, i kind of wish i could do it with liv as my own and not just my best friend. but i've been used to her being my best friend for years on end, how could one kiss that was really just an experiment change everything. my willpower, my want for her which was only a minority before the kiss. its been such a long time since i first started liking her, and i've been with other people, mainly trying to get her off my mind. but its just not the same feeling i get when im around her, what makes her so fucking special that i cant get her off my mind?

i exited the elevator and ashton was leaning against a wall right outside. "damn what took you so long? I've been here for like 5 minutes" he said, i shrugged "dunno, guess the elevators just slow"

he scrunched his eyebrows together "you alright mate?" i shrugged again "i dunno"

"you wanna talk about her?" he asked, how did he know it was about liv? how does he always know when its about her? "not right now, thanks though" i half smiled at him. he made the same face at me and placed his hand on my shoulder. "alright, whenever you're ready just start talking. you know i always have time to listen" "thanks mate, love you" i said. he was always so good at comforting people, i could never be that way. i always try but i never know what to say when people are upset.

"love you too calpal" he said, we got into the uber and headed to wherever we were going to get food. i didn't want anyone to be around when we talked about it. just in case someone overheard and knew who we were and decided to leak it. i don't want that pressure on liv, nor do i want it on myself. sometimes i wish i were normal, just so i could have a normal conversation without worrying about it being tweeted or some bullshit. but then i think about all of our amazing fans that respect our privacy and treat us like we're regular human beings and not famous robots with no emotions. and i wouldn't trade this life for anything.

when we got back we went to liv and michaels room since it was the biggest area luke was already in there and they were no where to be seen but we could hear them talking from their room, it sounded a bit tense and my heart started picking up pace. i knew what they were talking about. i hope they're going to be okay, i hope they've figured things out and i didn't ruin anything... because if i did, i couldn't have her for myself anyways and i cant bear to go through another one of Liv's "i found a new boy and im over mic- that one guy" phases. I remember all the times they've fought and broken up for a week or two and Liv would find these weird ass guys that always somehow looked really close to how michael looked, and anytime she'd start saying she was over him and was saying his name she'd tear up, fall into my chest and ball her eyes out. The amount of pain i knew she was in at those times was honestly life threatening because all i wanted to do was tell her how i felt but i couldn't because id never do that to one of my best friends. so id bite my tongue and tell her everything would be okay again. then a couple days later it was. but the point is, if i knew i was the one that caused this breakup, i dont even think i could face liv or michael. for the simple fact that i know how broken they'd be over it. and michael tends to take his emotions out on the cause of the problem in... very... violent ways

for example, mason. im truly surprised he didnt kill the guy for even looking at liv but i assume its because of paparazzi always being around and everything.

their bedroom door swung open, interrupting me from my thoughts and scaring the absolute shit out of me. "calum." michael said coldly. uh oh. "hey mike" i replied awkwardly. he was next to me getting a glass of water and i could tell how tense he was. Liv was still in the room but since michael left it cracked a bit i could see her through the door in their room. she was pacing back and forth in front of the bed, running her hands through her hair and pulling at the ends a bit because of how tangled it was becoming as she messed with it. her eyes looked red and puffy so its safe to assume shes been crying. "quit watching my girl hood." michael said deeply from behind me, my heart dropped when i heard his voice. "s-sorry bro i  just-"

"shut the fuck up calum, i dont care what you have to say right now. me and liv are trying to figure things out if you cant tell. and you didnt help in fucking up our relationship, making her fall for you out of no where. and yeah i know you cant control the way she feels but you can control whether or not she kisses you. and as my best friend you should have. but... as of right now i couldnt care less about our friendship. so, take your food and go back to your hotel room. i dont need my girl falling for you even more when we're trying to work things between us out"

he sighed heavily and walked back to their room, shutting the door loudly behind him.

i ran my hand through my hair and picked up my food, "you're not really gonna listen to him and go home are you?" luke asked.

i sighed "he doesnt want me here, i get it. so im respecting it. bye guys" they frowned at me as i picked up my food and exited the hotel room. once i got back to mine i set my food on the counter and sat in my recliner. i wasnt hungry anymore. this is the angriest michaels ever been with me and it sucks fucking dick...