I was getting really anxious about the roka situation and wanted to skip that part of the evening and straight to my departure but Arghhhhhh. I knew I had to bear all those rituals but my heart wasn't ready to watch Shivin with Kavya or Shivin with anybody else for that matter. I wanted to gain some courage to go through the evening without crying. After about 10 mins we reached the venue.
The building covered with fairy lights and their reflection on the glass windows looked beautiful. I held Dadi's hand and we walked inside with some other family members.
The set up looked quite elegant. With a fully covered floral backdrop in hues of white and light beige, a ceiling adorning bewitching floral garlands and beaded strings, the dreamy stage setting looked remarkable. The scintillating light beige sofa with big decked up candle stands went just right with the decor.
All this was to celebrate Shivin and Kavya and i wanted hard enough to not let that whole thing bother me because I've always known that he wasn't mine.
A warmth was felt on the back of my neck. It was Dadi's hand, i turned to look at her, "What happened". It was at that moment i realised that i was standing in the middle of the hall with a frown deep into thinking and so i quickly made a normal face, "Nothing. Did you eat something Dadi? Come." and i busied myself with her. Afterall she has always been my comfort whenever i felt something was wrong in my life.
We sat in the row of the Groom's side and everyone was chattering and having a good time except me. I fidgeted with my phone for around 20 mins as my head was about to explode with the worst thoughts about seeing them together yet again. I despised feeling like a nobody and unwanted in this situation.
Just as i was thinking about the worst possible scenarios BOOM! Talk of the devil. Shivin and Kavya entered through the door on the right side of the stage. I tried not to look but couldn't help seeing him. Kavya was all smiles and photographers all around them but for some reason Shivin had a flat expression as if he wasn't there lost somewhere else.
"Beta come lets go towards the stage and have a better look at the beautiful pair", Dadi said with joy in her eyes. I wish i could be as happy as her. We went a lil closer to where Shivin and Kavya stood. Now i was standing right behind the photographers and Shivin was just in front of them. We glanced at each other at that exact moment. My heart did a double somersault. Like Always.
He kept looking at me but then i couldn't hold my gaze any longer. So i quickly removed myself from there and stood at a place where we couldn't see eye to eye. Now i could see Shivin smiling when the photographer insisted but it wasn't his smile at all it was all faded and forced. Maybe i was thinking too much and maybe he was actually happy.
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HELLO EVERYONE! DID YOU ENJOY?
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