Return to New York

Silver & Sorrows

Call me a hypocrite, but that next morning I went on a walk. Alone. I know, totally goes against what I told everyone not to do. It was the middle of the day and a short walk to Queens. I was going to visit someone I had not seen in a long time.

Usually when I take walks I kick rocks along the sidewalks, picking up the most rounded ones to later fire off into the ocean with my slingshot. But these were different circumstances. I was vigilant and aware of my surroundings at all times. I could feel my heart beating out of my chest and my palms were drenched in sweat. I jumped at every sound I heard on my walk. It got to the point where I was close enough to Queens that I sprinted the rest of the way to the Newsies station there. Out of breath, I reached the entrance. My hands shook and my head felt like it was filling up with blood while my heart beat pounded and echoed around my head. My breathing was wheezy and quick. My knees felt like jello and I needed to sit down. I sat in the fetal position leaning against the wall. Was this a panic attack? I had never had one before I had no idea.

I regained control of my racing and hazy thoughts and took deep, Long breaths through my nose and out my mouth. Once I decided I was calm enough to enter the house, I stool back up and sheepishly knocked on the door.

I was created by a familiar face who seemed confused at first. Before I have them the chance to speak, I said "hey there Henry." I said to the red-headed boy in hopes that maybe my voice would spark some recognition. His face lightened and a smile crept onto his lips. "Slick! How have you been? Hell, where have ya been?" He exclaimed, embracing me in a bro hug; which was a clasp of the hands pulled into a one armed, back slapping contest.

"I gotta keep busy doing something." I responded back, separating from out hug. "Say, is silver here?" I asked with a slight tilt of my head. Henry nodded and pointed over to his usual building. "He outta be in there, go knock."

I thanked Henry before walking back to the smaller building. I recognized it more now that I was closer. Nerves crept up through my veins in a tingling sensation. I raised my still shaky hand to knock on the door. I heard somebody stumble around in there before the door knob jiggled and out came Silver. His gaze seemed annoyed at first until the realization hit him of who it was.
"Holy shit, if it ain't Slick."
"In the flesh." I replied awkwardly, shuffling my feet together. Silver grabbed my arm and dragged me into his house and closed the door behind him. Soon enough I was encased in his arms. His natural musk engulfed my senses and I sighed heavily, closing my eyes.

"I'm real sorry about the boy they got in 'Hattin. Did ya know him?" Silver asked pulling back from me. Both his hands were on my shoulders as he ducked down slightly to look into my eyes. I couldn't answer him. I felt a ball rise in my throat, choking me. I bit my bottom lip in an attempt to hold back tears. All I could muster, was a nod.
"Oh gosh, I'm really sorry y/n." Silver once again hugged me. His muscular arms gripped tightly around my body as he comforted me. I let a shaken sigh escape my lips
"It's okay." I whispered, because anything more than a whisper I would have burst into tears.

Silver guided me over to the bed and we both sat down together. There was a moment of silence before silver broke it. "Hey, when I said yous'd be hard to track down, I didn't think ya would go overseas." He elbowed me playfully. I couldn't help but give a half-hearted smile to the boy in his attempt to make this situation less sad.
"Did the night we shared mean nothing to you?" He said dramatically, attempting to mimic the dramatic theatrical shows that you'd see around town. A mischievous smirk came across my face. "Absolutely nothing." I remarked back dryly.
His face gaped open in pretend shock. "I am very hurt." He pouted.

I smiled a little wider this time. "Obviously it meant something if I came back. Honestly I's just needed a change in scenery." I admitted. Everything was so dark and gloomy back home, and last time I came to queens I loved it. I thought maybe a trip here would be able to keep my mind off things.

"Well I, for one am glad that you came back." Silver flashed his dazzling smile at me once again. How did someone who looked like they walked out of a fashion magazine end up selling papers and slumming it with the lowest people on the totem pole.

"Say," Silver began to say, "want to go swimming?" He offered. It took me a moment to pounder this suggestion. Then, a smile creeped up on my face. "Yeah actually, I'd love that."

And swimming was exactly what I needed. We jumped off the docks on a small bridge by a river together. By process of elimination, the rest of the Queens newsies found out that I was a girl. And honestly, I feel like I could be more open about it now that i didn't have Snyder breathing down my neck. I did not have to hid my femininity with spit and dirt in England, I liked embracing my feminine side. I liked wearing dresses and skirts on occasion. But, my favorite attire would always be a pair of suspenders and a good old newsboy cap.

I honestly could not tell you how long I had been over there for. It felt like 30 minutes but I guess it was hours. As I was enjoying my swim a familiar voice rang out above my head.
"Y/n?"
My head whipped around to meet the confused face of Kid Blink.
"Blink!" I exclaimed. I swam for the docks and hoisted myself out, grabbing a towel on the way. "What are you doing here?"
"I could ask you the same thing." He countered sternly crossing his arms across his chest. Our eyes narrowed at each other. "Fair enough."

"I came here to talk to Silver." Blink continued. "I see you did as well."
"Yes, yes I did. We both came here together, didn't we blink." I winked at him. The smallest smirk came across blinks face as he understood what i was saying. "Together. Right." He confirmed. And with that, we spit shook on it.

After I had changed and dried off and Blink talked to Silver, we began to make the trip back to manhattan.
"It's great to have ya back, y/n. Everybody missed ya."
I smiled at the boys kind words. "It feels great to be back, honestly." I responded. I sighed slightly. "I just wish I had come back earlier. Maybe things could be different." My throat tightened again as I spoke the words.
"Hey hey hey now, none of that. This isn't your fault. Don't Eva says that again. You hear?"
I simply nod to Blinks reassuring statement.

There was a long moment of silence between us before he continued. "Mush missed you so much while yous was gone. Sometimes he go to ya room and sit down on the bed. Just sit there. Do nothing else. Called him a creep for it. He did not like that." He gave a halfhearted chuckle. When blink got no response from me he continued. "He's head over heels for you y/n. You know why we called him mush? Because he gets all mushy around girls. And you get him the worst I's Eva seen. He's still hurtin' that you left without saying good bye to him."

I frowned and kept staring at the ground. "I didn't mean to.." I whispered under my breath. I felt immense guilt for leaving everybody so suddenly. What if I hadn't? What would be different if I hadn't left on an adventure? What would have happened if I wasn't so selfish.

"You should talk ta him. I know yous got your thing with Spot Conlon goin on, but mush'd be way better for ya. Someone Jack would actually approve of."

"Alright enough!" I snapped at him. Blink furrowed his eyebrows together and put his head down to the ground. "Sorry.." he muttered to me. I processed what he had said for a moment before grabbing his hand and squeezing it. He squeezed mine back gently and returned his gaze to mine, a sheepish smile appeared on his lips.

"Thank you, blink."