Redblaze's Regret {COMPLETE}

Chapter 4

Nightwhisper didn't appear to be around, but Silverheart was busy sorting herbs as Redblaze entered the den. The beautiful silver tabby was separating out dead, dried, and wilted herbs and leaving the fresh ones. Everything in front of her was organized in neat, tidy piles.

Silverheart looked up at the sound of Redblaze's arrival. "Hello, Redblaze," she greeted kindly, her green eyes warm. "What can I do for you?"

Redblaze held up his paw, feeling a little embarrassed. "Uh, I snagged a claw," he stuttered.

Silverheart beckoned him forward with her tail and began inspecting his bleeding paw. "Did you trip over something?" she asked.

"A rock," Redblaze muttered, looking away. Some warrior he was, fumbling a simple hunting patrol and hurting himself like a new apprentice.

Silverheart nodded as she looked at his paw, and said, "It isn't too bad, but we need to keep it from getting infected." She turned and began rummaging around in the herb stores. "I'll put a marigold poultice on it and wrap it in cobwebs, but you should take it easy until it's fully healed. A snagged claw may seem like nothing, but a bad infection could take your whole paw." She returned with what Redblaze assumed were marigold leaves. "You will take it easy, right?" she asked, sounding serious.

"Yeah, sure," Redblaze murmured half-heartedly. He sat patiently as Silverheart worked, chewing leaves and putting them on his paw. He remembered the last time Silverheart had ordered a cat to take it easy; it had been Minnowpaw, after she'd been attacked unprovoked by Copperfoot during a hunting assessment and suffered a nasty shoulder wound. A low growl rose in his throat as her face flashed through his mind.

Silverheart sighed as she began wrapping cobwebs around Redblaze's paw. "Are you going to be angry forever?" she asked softly, taking him by surprise.

Redblaze opened his mouth to answer, but realized he couldn't. Of course he was angry, but how long would it be until that anger subsided and became just a memory? But then again, what business was it of any other cat? "I have a right to be angry," he grumbled.

"Do you?" Silverheart replied, not looking at him. "Of all the cats in RiverClan, you've clung to your anger the hardest. What makes you the cat to do that?"

Exasperated, Redblaze retorted, "Flamepelt died! My mentor was killed!"

"You were already a warrior!" Silverheart snapped back. "Of course you're right to miss him and be upset that he's gone, but he wasn't your mentor anymore. And besides, other cats lost more than you!" Redblaze was reminded of his argument with Bristlepelt before the Gathering. "Ashflower and Bristlepelt lost their daughter," Silverheart went on, no longer treating his paw. "Ashstar lost a faithful deputy, and Cherryheart and Cloudsplash lost their kit! He wasn't even an apprentice yet! Beechpaw, Reedpaw, and Specklepaw have to become warriors without their brother!"

"I know!" Redblaze snapped, his pelt growing hot. "With all of that, why am I the only one still angry? Answer that!"

"Because everyone else has moved on!" Silverheart snapped back, and Redblaze fell silent. "Death is a part of life, and holding onto the memory of it is no way to live. Mourn for the dead, Redblaze, but don't give up your life for your anger. You're a young cat, and you have many, many moons before you see Flamepelt again in StarClan. Don't spend them all being angry about his death."

For once, Redblaze didn't know what to say, so he just stared at the floor of the medicine den. For a few moments, neither cat said anything, and then Silverheart began to speak again, more softly now. "I believed in her so much," she said, and Redblaze realized she was talking about Minnowpaw. "I believed that she wasn't cursed by StarClan, but when it became obvious I believed that there was some way to fix it. I wanted so desperately for the Clan to return to normal, for my Clanmates to stop dying and turning on one another."

She shifted her paws on the dirt. "I prayed that she would return from Highstones with the answers, and that everything would fade away. Do you know how it feels," she asked, "to sit by and watch your Clan fall apart and not be able to do anything about it?"

Redblaze didn't know how to respond. "I'm a medicine cat," Silverheart went on. "I'm supposed to help my Clan, to heal and save them. But I couldn't save the one cat I cared about so much. I would have given anything to get rid of that curse and save her from it. To save us all from it."

Her voice cracked in a sob as she spoke, and Redblaze looked up to see a deep, unending sadness in her eyes. Maybe not every cat had fully moved on, he realized. Silverheart sighed, then whispered, "I was going to give up my position as a medicine cat."

Redblaze was taken aback by this sudden confession. "What?" he exclaimed. "Why would you do that?"

She looked at him. "I felt like I had failed. I felt like, since I'd let a Clanmate down, I didn't deserve to be a medicine cat anymore. It didn't seem right to hold such a position when I couldn't use it to save my friend."

Redblaze gaped at Silverheart. "So you were going to give it up and be a warrior?"

Silverheart nodded sadly. "Nightwhisper talked me out of it. He was guilty too, you know, for shunning Minnowpaw so quickly. But he truly believed it was in the best interest of the Clan, and in the end he was right. He still felt so guilty for everything that happened, but he carried on. He convinced me to carry on, too, and use my position and power as a medicine cat to keep helping others, for the sake of my Clan."

"But don't you blame her for Shadebelly's death?" Redblaze asked. "And Breezekit and Flamepelt?"

Silverheart shook her head. "No. I never did. I never blamed her because even if the curse was hers, the responsibility wasn't. She couldn't control it, so how could those deaths be on her paws?"

Redblaze couldn't agree with her logic, but he held his tongue.

"I understand that you still blame her," Silverheart told him. "And I guess you're just taking longer to work through your emotions. But I think that, in time, you'll come to forgive Minnowpaw."

"Why should I?" Redblaze blurted. "Why shouldn't I blame her?"

Silverheart looked down, one ear twitching. "Flamepelt would have never blamed her," she said matter-of-factly.

Redblaze snorted. "What makes you so sure?"

Her gaze met his, and she said in a clear and sure voice, "Because he loved her."

Redblaze's heart stopped for a moment. Was that true? Had his mentor been in love with Minnowpaw?

"Any cat could see it," Silverheart mewed. "He was so smitten with her, and I think she felt the same way. I just know that they would have been mates one day." A glint of happiness lit her eyes and she looked upwards towards the roof of the den and the sky beyond. "My only consolation is that now, they're together in StarClan."

Redblaze felt his throat tighten at her words. Everything she'd said was overwhelming, and he didn't know how to process it all. Silverheart returned to his paw and finished wrapping it, then pushed a small black seed towards him. "Here's a poppy seed," she meowed. "It'll help the pain."

Redblaze had forgotten that his paw even hurt, but he lapped up the seed anyway. "What do I do now?" he asked, standing. He didn't put his full weight on his paw.

"Take it easy," Silverheart repeated. "Other than that, I can't help you. I can only wish you the best in moving on." She turned away from him for good and resumed her herb sorting, leaving Redblaze on his own.