Redblaze's Regret {COMPLETE}

Chapter 23

Wind whipped through the trees as sheets of cold rain pummeled the forest, and RiverClan's territory quickly turned marshy as small streams carved their way through the earth. The RiverClan camp began to flood one day, and Redblaze woke up each morning cold, wet, and irritable. He still had not returned to the warrior's den, undecidedly out of his own cowardice or whatever broken respect he still had for his fellow Clanmates. He supposed he'd been trying in the days since he attacked Tawnyclaw, but it didn't seem to be making much difference. He didn't get put on any patrols, and only hunted alone. Birchclaw kept him busy with hunting and other camp duties, but he had no chances to do much else; his Clanmates were avoiding him.

    One dreary afternoon, the rain finally stopped, but  the sky was still dark and covered heavily with thick, angry gray clouds and the wind whipped furiously over the forest. Redblaze was still in a sour mood; He hadn't been sleeping well and his muscles ached from being cold and wet. A sudden breeze tore over the RiverClan camp, and he flattened his ears against it as he lay two fish on the fresh-kill pile. He saw Birchclaw approaching out of the corner of his eye and turned to face his deputy.

    The white and gray warrior had only spoken a few words to Redblaze lately, mostly telling him what to do and when to do it. He wasn't unfriendly, but he still wasn't happy with Redblaze, and Redblaze didn't expect him to be. He himself felt sad and guilty nearly every waking minute, unable to fathom how his life had spiraled out of control so quickly. Any punishment he got, he thought to himself, would be well-deserved.

    Birchclaw gave Redblaze a nod and began to walk away, and Redblaze just blurted, "Is this how it's going to be?" Birchclaw stopped and turned his head back a little in Redblaze's direction and flicked his tail for Redblaze to elaborate.

    Redblaze sighed, pawing at the ground. "I feel like I should have been punished more, but I also know I need to do better. But I can't if I don't have any opportunity to contribute to this Clan."

    Birchclaw finally turned around fully and meowed, "If it's punishment you want, I can arrange that." His eyes narrowed a little, but there was no hostility in his voice. "But there's no suitable punishment for you. I think the isolation from your Clanmates will be enough of a lesson."

    Redblaze flicked his ears. "I've been isolated for moons," he countered. "But..." he stopped. This was somehow worse, wasn't it? Birchclaw was right.

    "As for contributing to this Clan," Birchclaw went on, pausing as another breeze blew loudly through the camp, "stop waiting for something to do and find it. I don't mean just hunting and patrolling, either. Make your own way. Think like a leader."

    A leader? Redblaze shook his head. "I'm not a leader, though. I'm... I'm not like you and Ashstar. Am I?"

    Birchclaw shook his head. "This is a conversation for another time, Redblaze. It's painfully clear that all of this," he gestured with a paw, "is something you have to figure out on your own." Without another word, he turned and left.

    Redblaze sighed yet again. He didn't disagree with Birchclaw, but figuring things out on his own was daunting, like fighting an enemy he couldn't see. There was no clear solution in sight, and the more Redblaze thought the more confused and hopeless he got. His Clanmates were bustling in the camp around him, running around and talking and working, and he found it hard to think at all. Figuring no one would miss him, he ducked out into the forest to clear his head.

    The ferns and reeds of RiverClan territory offered precious little protection against the blasting winds that pelted him as he trekked through the swampy forest. He turned by a beech tree and headed towards a small hill near the diving portion of the river. A whistle filled his ears, and his head was clouded with thoughts. He wanted to be better, he really did, but it seemed like he'd slipped from anger straight to despair. He knew he was a failure in every way, and even the thought of that made him angry. Why do I have to get mad at everything? He asked himself. I deserve all of this. I'm a horrible cat.