Redblaze's Regret {COMPLETE}

Chapter 5

 When Redblaze left the medicine den, he found himself with no clue of what to do next. He supposed he should go back to the river and gather the fish he'd left behind, and maybe catch another to make up for his pitiful catch. Praying that he wouldn't run into Sorrelstream and Reedpaw, he headed back towards the camp entrance.

"Redblaze!" Birchclaw's call stopped him, and he groaned. Would the deputy reprimand him for the way he'd spoken to him? Reluctantly, he turned towards Birchclaw and watched him approach.

Birchclaw's gaze was stern, but not angry. "I hope you have a good reason for talking to me like that," he meowed.

Redblaze looked down at his paw. "I, uh, I hurt my paw on the way back to camp," he replied awkwardly. "I guess I was grouchy because it hurt." He supposed it wasn't a complete lie, but he could tell by the look on Birchclaw's face that he didn't buy it.

Birchclaw shook his head. "Sore paw or not, there's no reason for being so unfriendly to your Clanmates," he said flatly. "It wasn't just me; it seems that, every time a cat talks to you, you run them off or make them angry. Don't you care that your littermates are avoiding you now?"

Anger flashed in Redblaze at the comment. What business was it of Birchclaw's? He bit back a retort; he didn't want to end up proving Birchclaw right. "I haven't been in a good mood lately," he growled instead.

"You don't say," Birchclaw muttered, and that set Redblaze off.

"Shut up!" he yelled. Around the camp, cats turned their heads towards him, wearing shocked expressions. "Stop talking to me like I'm a kit!"

"Then stop acting like one!" Birchclaw shouted back, rising to his paws.

Redblaze's fur stood on end, and for a moment he felt like fighting his deputy. But he realized that the entire Clan was watching him, and annoyance ran through him like a river. Growling, he tore his claws through the ground. "You don't know anything!" He turned tail, paws pounding as he ran out of camp and into the forest.

Frustration surged through him. Silverheart didn't know anything; Birchclaw didn't know anything. No cat had any clue what he was going through! How could Silverheart expect him to forgive Minnowpaw? And why did Birchclaw have to act like he was so much better than Redblaze? Why did no cat even try to understand how he felt? He slowed his pace as he wove between the reed beds, catching his breath.

Residual anger pulsed through his pelt, but he had no way to get rid of it. His claws itched to sink into something. Listening around, he heard the scuttling of a water vole and followed the sound. He saw the creature scampering along the ground, pausing to nibble at seeds. As Redblaze crept closer, Minnowpaw flashed through his mind, and he bit back a hiss. Water vole had been her favorite prey, and it was a poisoned water vole that had killed Breezekit. Feeling a rush of fury, Redblaze launched himself at the small animal and dug his claws into its pelt. It shrieked in alarm before he bit its neck, killing it. He scored his claws down its flank, shredding it. Panting, he stopped, and eyed the piece of prey at his paws.

It was completely destroyed, he realized. He'd torn it to shreds, and now there was nothing left worth taking back to camp. Sighing, he dug a small hole in the dirt and buried the vole, remembering the last time he'd seen an animal so mangled at the claws of a cat. Minnowpaw had done the same thing to the fox, right after it had killed Flamepelt. She'd screeched with rage as she clawed and scratched without mercy, not even stopping when it was dead. Once again, Redblaze felt anger at the memory. Why did everything have to remind him of her?

Shaking his head, Redblaze stalked away towards the river. He cleaned the dirt and blood from his paws and went to look for the fish he'd caught. They weren't there; Sorrelstream and Reedpaw had probably already gotten them. Sighing once more, he sat down on the riverbank, feeling the stones warm beneath his paws, and looked out across the river into ThunderClan territory, where the sun was just beginning to set beyond.

Everything hurt, he realized. He'd been in pain since Flamepelt died. He woke every morning and fell asleep every night angry; angry that he hadn't been able to save his mentor, angry that his friend had murdered Flamepelt, angry that no one cared about his feelings. And as much as he hated to admit it, Birchclaw was right; seeing Cinderfrost and Poppywhisker avoiding him cut him deep. He loved his sisters, but they wanted little to do with him anymore. Come to think of it, he'd run away just about every cat in RiverClan in the last moon.

"I thought I'd find you here," a soft voice sounded behind Redblaze. He turned his head to see Sorrelstream slipping out of the reeds. The slender she-cat stopped a couple tail-lengths away from him and stood watching him, her gaze unreadable.

Redblaze turned back towards the river. "What do you want?" he asked grumpily.

After a couple moments of silence, Sorrelstream replied, "I wanted to apologize." Her words took him by surprise. She came closer and sat next to him at the river. "I know I was just joking, but what I said hurt you. I'm sorry."

Redblaze's ears twitched. Annoyed, he realized how horrible it was that Sorrelstream was the one apologizing. Fish-brain, he scolded himself silently. He sighed. "Don't be sorry," he said, not meeting Sorrelstream's gaze. "You're right; you were just joking. If it were me, I would have done the same thing."

Sorrelstream nodded slowly. "I know you haven't been okay lately," she meowed. "I guess I haven't been either. I miss Minnowpaw, too."

Redblaze's eyes widened. Did Sorrelstream think that Redblaze's emotions were because he missed Minnowpaw? "That's... that's not it," he said quietly. Sorrelstream cocked her head, waiting for him to continue, and he suddenly felt like he was walking on thorns. "I miss Flamepelt," he said simply.

Sorrelstream's eyes narrowed. "Just Flamepelt?" she asked cautiously.

Redblaze looked away and nodded. "He was the greatest mentor in the world."

Sorrelstream stood. "But Minnowpaw was our friend," she said softly. "How can you say you don't miss her the same? Unless..."

Even though he wasn't looking at her, Redblaze could sense Sorrelstream's expression as she realized what his thoughts towards Minnowpaw were. "So that's it," she said flatly. "You blame her. You're no different than my brother!" she hissed.

Redblaze shot up, tail lashing as his gaze met Sorrelstream's. "Of course I blame her!" he growled. "Flamepelt is dead because of her! Because of her curse!"

"She had no control over it!" Sorrelstream cried.

"You sound just like Silverheart," Redblaze scoffed. "She said the same thing, but it just seems like you two refuse to blame her just because you liked her!"

"You liked her, too!"

"And she killed my mentor! So what if we were friends? She turned out to be a murderer!"

Sorrelstream's ears flattened. "Why can't you understand that her curse was beyond her control? She couldn't stop those cats' deaths, but she couldn't stop the curse either! What was she supposed to do, leave the Clan?"

Redblaze didn't answer. "You're crazy," Sorrelstream muttered, backing away from him.

"She left anyway, didn't she?" he mumbled, turning his back to her. He listened as her pawsteps faded away, and he was left alone at the river under the orange glow of the setting sun.