Redblaze's Regret {COMPLETE}

Chapter 29

 Muffled voices were the first thing Redblaze heard as he awoke again. His head was pounding furiously and he was terribly thirsty. He opened his eyes a fraction to find that his vision was blurry, and that he was not alone.

He lifted his head slowly, which made it hurt more, but his vision was clearing and he could see that he was in a nest in the medicine den, and standing a tail-length away were Nightwhisper and Sorrelstream, who appeared to be deep in conversation. As he moved, however, they noticed him and padded over.

"Careful, there," Nightwhisper cautioned, placing a paw on his flank. "It's best if you don't rush anything."

"Wha–what happened?" Redblaze asked groggily, his throat dry and voice raspy.

Sorrelstream lowered her head to meet his gaze. "You fainted," she said softly. "You were talking to me and you just fell over. I was so worried."

Nightwhisper nodded. "You're stressed, Redblaze," he meowed, sounding very serious. "I don't know where you were running off to in such a hurry, but you're overworked and overthinking. Clearly it was too much at once, which is why you fainted." His gaze was grim, and it made Redblaze worried for a moment. Nightwhisper added, "You need to take it easy, okay? I'll give you some herbs to help you recover, but I want you to relax for a little while. Got it?"

Redblaze nodded and Nightwhisper pushed a bundle of herbs over to him. He lapped them up, ignoring the foul taste, and meowed, "I'm thirsty." Immediately Sorrelstream gave him a water-soaked ball of moss, which he proceeded to lick dry. After that, he felt much better, but tired.

"I'm going to check on Nettlestep and Falconkit," Nightwhisper announced. "Silverheart will be back soon, so try not to die before then, okay?" Redblaze managed to purr at the old medicine cat's joke as his black tail disappeared outside the den.

Sorrelstream settled down next to Redblaze, clearly still shaken. "What in StarClan's name were you doing out there?" she asked. "You just left like your life depended on it!" When Redblaze didn't answer, she added, "Please tell me what's going on, Redblaze."

He finally turned to look at her; her green eyes were shining with worry, worry that he didn't feel he deserved. Why did she still care so much about him when he'd been so horrible to her? He sighed, and supposed that she deserved to know the truth. "I thought I could find Minnowpaw," he whispered. "I thought that if she was alive out there, I could find her and tell her how sorry I am. I know I've been a fish-brained idiot, and I got tired of hurting other cats. I also thought I could just run from the hate I felt towards her but it kept haunting me." He laid his head sadly on his paws, feeling defeated. "I just wanted to make things right."

He felt Sorrelstream move closer to him, and he heard a slight purr. "I'm glad you told me," she meowed. "I kept hoping you would change, even if it was selfish of me to want that."

Redblaze looked at her out of the corner of his eye. "That's not selfish," he countered. "Wanting what's best for your Clanmates is the least selfish thing you could do. And that's what I want, too. But I didn't think I could make a difference if I just put the past behind me without trying to fix it." For the first time, Redblaze meant every word he said, and he was glad.

"What made you think Minnowpaw was alive?" Sorrelstream asked. "I mean, I wanted to think the same thing for moons, but I also can't believe that she wouldn't have come back."

Redblaze hesitated. As much as he trusted Sorrelstream, there was no way he could tell her everything he'd heard from Icetail. For one, he'd broken the warrior code twice now by meeting her, and besides that it wouldn't do any good. Icetail couldn't leave her Clan, and Redblaze realized he couldn't either, especially not on a whim for a cause that seemed improbable. He knew he had to accept that Minnowpaw was dead, because even if she wasn't, he would never be able to find her. And he couldn't betray Icetail's trust a second time.

Redblaze realized Sorrelstream was still waiting for an answer, so he just said, "I don't know. I guess I just hoped. I keep having little talks with everyone that have been putting pieces back in place, and I thought the last piece would be to see her again, and apologize."

Sorrelstream nodded, eyes glowing with happiness. "If she's in StarClan," she mewed, "then she knows, Redblaze. She knows you're sorry, and that you want to make things right. And I think RiverClan knows, too."

Maybe not every cat, a voice in the back of Redblaze's mind said. He thought of Tawnyclaw, who he still hadn't spoken to since their fight. He felt like too much of a coward to face the senior warrior, even now. That thought alone made him feel rotten.

Sorrelstream must have noticed, because she said, "Nightwhisper was right about you being stressed. So much has been weighing on you since Flamepelt died, and it's only gotten worse lately because you feel the need to prove yourself again. You really do need to take it easy, and then work for RiverClan. This Clan is all we have. Sure, you've messed up, probably worse than any other cat I've ever met." Her whiskers twitched with amusement and she purred, flicking Redblaze with her tail. "But doing better and being better will prove to every cat that you've changed. I know you want to apologize to Minnowpaw, and I'm so glad. Your words mean a lot but your actions mean more. RiverClan needs you, Redblaze." Sorrelstream sounded like she would say more, but she stopped.

Redblaze laid his head on her shoulder. "Thank you, Sorrelstream," he murmured. "That means more than you know." He found his weariness weighing over him again, and he yawned.

Sorrelstream stood. "I should let you get some sleep," she meowed. As she headed out of the medicine den, she stopped and looked over her shoulder. "When you're ready, RiverClan will be waiting for you."

She then left, giving Redblaze peace to sleep. He felt strangely calm and comfortable as he lay in his nest of ferns. It had been a while since he had felt no worries about himself and his life, but now he thought that maybe the piece he was missing wasn't finding a way to tell Minnowpaw how he felt. Maybe it was just the realization that what he had been doing, how he'd been changing, was working. He didn't know what he would do without Sorrelstream to help him see that. Or Mudpelt, or Silverheart, or Ashflower, for that matter. In fact, Redblaze finally saw how his whole Clan had been gently supporting him this whole time. And now, he thought as he closed his eyes to sleep, it was time to return the favor.