Mixtapes & Polaroids | Sam x Deena

39

Sam falls asleep first and Deena doesn't sleep at all.

Usually when her mind runs to pull her from slumber, it's always into a dark slope of doubt and agony but this time it was different. Deena didn't sleep, not because she couldn't— not because she was running from nightmares that lingered in her still messy mind. Deena didn't sleep because she found that no amount of rest could be worth missing the time to look at Sam.

Her Sam.

Sam who still kept her arms around Deena, even when she was pulled into her dreams. Sam who slept with one leg atop both of Deena's thighs, somehow managing to flip their position to be the one draped over the brunette. She's on her stomach, half her body on Deena's with an arm kept over her girlfriend's chest like a seatbelt that strapped her into place, safe from the monsters that lingered outside— and in her head.

It was a kind of happiness that was gentle, like ripples on calm water or the slow dance of wind on an open flame. Deena could feel it in her chest, like a careful sway in the air, in Sam's steady breaths and her heartbeat in that cold, dark room. Deena had never felt safer, she doesn't possibly think she could feel so snug anywhere else.

In the time and the silence, Deena wasn't afraid to be the only one awake. She'd take turns staring at the ceiling, basking in the peace she found crawling through a window in a house that wasn't her own but held a girl that felt like home then she'd look at Sam. Deena would wonder what her dreams entailed, if they filled with wonderous things, pastel skies and the bluest waters or if it was dark, like hers, filled with memories buried but never dead, always trying to claw to the surface.

Then Deena would feel a little bad, because she couldn't be in Sam's dreams. So she settles for the gentlest touches, treading her fingers through Sam's hair and she hopes that Sam's mind is kind and vibrant, just as Deena sees her.

She hopes that Sam dreams of the most beautiful things, things beyond a world like theirs could offer and maybe, she wishes that Sam dreams of her too. That somewhere in her epic, subconscious journey was a little spot for Deena to exist.

Just before the sky begins to get a few shades lighter, Deena places a kiss on Sam's forehead. The girl, who was deep in slumber merely hummed like she had been graced by the clouds. Deena carefully peels Sam's arms off of her, never forgetting to pull the covers back up after she was on her feet.

"I'll see you later." Deena whispers so softly, knowing Sam wasn't awake to hear it at all as she leans over to place one last kiss atop Sam's head.

"I think... i'm falling in love with you." Deena ever so quietly admits, her words barely breaking the air as she smiles down at her sleeping girlfriend, who had already clung onto a pillow and was back to her steady little snores.

And Deena does mean it. She says it at a time that felt right, not for Sam to hear but for herself to say aloud. Just once, in the safety of what might just be the most peaceful hours of her life. She didn't need Sam to know yet, not when the knots of her problems still tightened at her hands, bound and tugged a million different directions but at least she knew.

At least she said it.

Deena has known for a while, but not until then, existing by Sam, did she truly understand what it meant to be in the process of falling in love. The perfect calm and the relentless butterflies, to fall in love standing in the middle of a crumbling town meant something different to Deena— yet beautiful nonetheless.

She slips out of the window, down the ladder that she quietly folds down to stuff in her car. The air was cold and crisp, lampposts still shining down onto the damp pavement as Deena drove back home with a small, content smile. She wasn't tired at all, but she decided to get a few hours of sleep in for the day she was about to have. She wakes up just in time to shower and get herself ready, taking a few extra minutes to pick her outfit before meeting Josh by the kitchen.