Mixtapes & Polaroids | Sam x Deena

47

Mornings used to be boring in the Shmidt household.

Kate's parents, outside of their own fears were relatively calm people. Mornings used to consist of her father sitting on the couch, scanning the morning paper. Her mother out in their small backyard, watering the flowers that keep wilting. Kate always jokes that nothing pretty ever grows in Shadyside because the soil was rotten, but her mother was hopeful in the way that she'd just keep replanting, even when she knew they'd die eventually. Kate would finish her morning routine, which really only was coffee and a steaming hot shower that was mandatory in the cold of December. It used to be calm, but then there was Sarah.

And since Sarah had moved in, it was like the walls surged with life. Her parents adored the blonde who played them songs and sang while helping out with dinner. She'd even help replant flowers with Kate's mother, and jokingly berate the brunette for her pessimistic little jokes. Sarah got along with everybody.

Well... on most days.

"Nope. No. We are not having this conversation again!" Kate stomps into her room, Sarah hot on her trail bright and early with burning questions flaming brighter than the sun painted into the sky.

"I'm trying to understand exactly what you were thinking?" Sarah argues, her tone still composed despite her very evident frustration at Simon telling her every detail of Kate's seemingly rushed plan to 'help' Deena.

The plan was stitched together by glue, like patchwork messily made in a last ditch effort to come up with something that can be executed because Kate was desperate. She'd never say it out loud, but she was. With every passing second, Kate feels the claws of failure sink into her heart as she looks at Deena, drained, with her lifeless eyes and hollow words. Kate feels like she's fucked up the one thing she needed to do. She didn't have to be top of her every class, she didn't have to be the president of every relevant club in school, she didn't have to excel at everything she enters into but she did have to take care of Deena.

She promised, and Kate doesn't like breaking promises.

"I'm trying to save Deena! How is that not reason enough?" Kate fires back, whipping around so quickly Sarah stops in her tracks.

"You're meddling, Kate. You know you are." Sarah nudges Kate's bedroom door shut out of respect, hoping her parents wouldn't hear their little spat.

"I have to. Can't you see her? She's barely even here. She always looks like she's just a second away from dying." Kate grumbles, trying her best not to cringe at the mere memory of Deena's emptiness. Because as mysterious as Deena would like to think she is, to Kate, she's clear glass. As transparent as they come.

"So talk to her! Why are you doing this behind her back?" Sarah tries to reason, hoping to understand the root of all the secrecy, because in Sarah's experience— secrets never end well.

Because they can never be kept for too long.

"You don't get an opinion. You're leaving." Kate says it in the most chillingly calm voice, but all of her hurt and insecurities shine through her façade. Her eyes glimmer with torture, staring back at Sarah who deflates at her remark almost instantly.

"That's not fair, Kate." Sarah whispers in defeat, but Kate only crosses her arms over her chest.

"Don't talk to me about fair." Kate replies coldly.

"Why are you getting mad now? I thought you understood." Sarah's own hurt bleeds through her words, looking at Kate with a whirlwind of confusion and reluctance as the brunette scoffs.

"Just because I understand doesn't make it hurt any less!"

And it was true. Kate had said it to herself a million times, like some kind of script she had memorized by heart Kate would tell herself Sarah has to go. That it was the right thing to do, that if it were up to her she'd do the same thing, but deep inside Kate knows it'll destroy her. It'll destroy her and she hates it.