Frenzy & Torch

Chapter 2: Hiccup

Back in the office, Elizabeth ran her hands down her face. "I cannot believe I fell for that."

"Well, while you're here, I might as well lay it on you. You've been given a mission. There's a village to the far north named Starview, on the border of Can-der-der."

Stupid name, Elizabeth thought. "A mission, sir?"

"First, I'm gonna send my little assistant, Richard, to get your partner for this mission." The colonel looked to his left and whistled.

A dove flew in through the window on command and perched himself on Donoran's extended arm. "Fuck you want?" it cooed.

"I need you to tell Annabelle Marigni to report here."

Elizabeth's eyes widened. "You cannot be serious."

The bird was too lazy to fly and instead ran out of the room. Not much later, the aforementioned witch was knocking on the door frame.

"You may enter." Donoran said.

Annabelle stepped in. She looked at Elizabeth, who stared back at her with disdain. She smiled again and said, "Hello, Elizabeth! What a coincidence."

"Coincidence my ass, this whole thing is a setup!" Elizabeth seethed. "Also, who's watching the door?"

A blonde bow wielder named Jane Clancy, who was well acquainted with Annabelle, was sitting on a chair next to the door. She was eating cheese cubes with one of her arrows when an obese man shaped like a sphere, and wearing only a single piece of cloth covering his crotch, entered.

"I am 'Big Bones the Metabolistic!'" I have overpowered your sword wielders and three-headed dog outside!" he proudly proclaimed. What he neglected to mention was that the sword wielders out front were busy playing poker and did not see him come in, and the dog had a treat thrown at him before he could bark and went to gnaw on it. "You are powerless to stop me, arrow girl! Now let me through or perish!"

Jane simply blinked. "You forgot to say please."

"Please? Pretentious little snob, how dare you— " he was interrupted by a volley of arrows penetrating the meat flaps on his arms and legs and pinning him against the wall. He roared in agony.

The arrow girl approached him and smacked his face with a dictionary. "You've done it now. Now I'm gonna read off every word from A to Z."

Big Bones's yell echoed through the halls.

Elizabeth looked out to the hallway, then back at Annabelle. "What the fu— "

"So, the briefing," Donoran said. "The Mayor of Starview, Likhawn Mytaynt, wants you there within the next couple days. He says somebody named Dich Hedd has started a rebellion and his forces have taken over an old castle. This man claims he can see the future and the government will outlaw soup."

" ... What?" Elizabeth asked.

"Just bring this guy back alive, if possible. Also make sure to bring back a commendation letter or something. Lord knows that this would bring some credibility to the council, seeing as how our name is still being dragged through the mud because of that Ijen invasion from a few years back."

"Maybe it's because y'all suck," cooed the dove who retrieved Annabelle.

"It was a tactical victory! It was the damned press and those protestors hopped up on shrooms that killed public support!" the colonel said. He was livid, still sore from how the plan was poorly executed. "I— whatever! Just take this damned map, get your tents and travel gear from the quartermaster, and be on your way. You know the drill for other expenses, like restaurants and all that other stuff. The council will cover upwards of three hundred gold coins in expenses, just tell the waiter or bartender or whoever to send the bill to the Knights Council Financial Office. Anything beyond that limit comes outta your own pocket."