Blank Stars

chapter 5

I woke up, bleary eyed and was blinded by the intense sunlight streaming through the window above my head. My throat was dry and my head was pounding, I looked around the room momentarily disorientated by the strange surroundings before my heart sank and my body froze up slightly as I remembered all the previous events which had lead up to this. I sank to my knees and hit the floor with a resounding thump, I wanted to cry but my body had been drained of all outward emotion, I was just a faceless mask now; making no expression but dying inside.

I heard a rapping at the door. I looked up to see Sophia looking at me earnestly, there was such pity in her eyes that it made me sink even further into the ground; which I could swear was itself, sinking beneath me. I dropped my head and heard her walking towards me, the floor solidified beneath me as Sophia gave me a tight embrace

“It’ll be ok.” She whispered, I buried my face into her soft hair and breathed in a familiar scent.

I nodded my head faintly and she pulled me to my feet, I rubbed my temples before looking out the window and then around the room. Everything was different, the innocence of the room, destroyed by last night’s events, in every crook I saw the glinting smile of my phantom and in the closet I could only imagine what I would find.

“Let’s go get you something to eat.”

I nodded and silently followed Sophia down stairs and into the kitchen, with its glossy, black counter tops and brilliant white walls. If it wasn’t for recent events I would be overjoyed by the standard of cleanliness in this house but all I could feel was filth. It was as if it was clinging on me, as if it had transferred to me during my dream and now refused to let me out of its grips; threatening to contaminate my only haven and sanctuary.

I sat down on one of the bar stools which sat next to the tall counters, my skin seemed to crawl and I could see it crawling off my arms and spreading itself across the table covering it completely. I shuddered and it vanished, the disgust now confined solely to my arm. I searched nearby for hand sanitizer or bleach whichever happened to be closer, I noticed the small bottle that Sophia always kept by the table for me. 

I poured it onto my hands and rubbed thoroughly, scrubbing at my arm as discreetly as possible. Apparently I wasn’t discreet enough, Sophia shot me a derisive glance but she kept her mouth shut, excusing my actions under the circumstances. I could hear some kind of food sizzling in the pan but I was too deep in a thoughtless mind process to pay it any heed. 

Thoughts spun around my head as I pondered everything that I had learnt in the last day, the thoughts buzzed around my head and I fought to pin even one down but they all hurled themselves around until I let out a sigh of resignation. I stopped and started from the beginning, detailing it all in my head.

I was at the shrink’s, I talked to a girl who saw imaginary people then went for my appointment with Marcus… Then we got the phone call, Sophia called to tell us that my dad had been found dead. That was the first thing I needed to do, find out more information about his death, why, how, where, when? After we found out about his death I had a vision, or a hallucination, or some moment of being insane; I saw my dad, and my mum, they were both dead and ripped to shreds. I shuddered and dispelled the images and solely focused on their words, my dad told me that I had to believe in fairy tales, whatever that was supposed to mean I have yet to find out. 

They also asked me to find something, something that they had both found, whatever it was it had gotten them killed and I needed to find it and that meant I needed my dad’s research. My mind raced as I began plotting how I could get it back, I mean if it was that important or that dangerous then surely the government would have sent someone out to find it, to get rid of it, to destroy it. I was interrupted by a plate with freshly cooked bacon and sausages being pushed under my nose.