Blank Stars

chapter 7

In the house awaited me a façade of a normal happy life, I walked into the hallway, the steps which I had sat on in wait of my dad merely a few days ago now stared at me, begging me to join them in waiting once again. I walked towards them and sat down, carefully, to the exact position I had been sitting a few days ago. I looked up at the entrance, through which Sophia and Alec were currently walking through. They looked at me as I stared passed them, looking at the empty space in another dimension where my dad was walking through, tears stung at my eyes once again and I clenched my eyes shut, pushing them away, I refused to admit my weakness in my own home.

Sophia came over and put a hand on my shoulder, attempting to comfort me but I shrugged her away, refusing to accept consolidation for something like this. She backed away, and seemed slightly hurt; Alec looked at me worriedly but didn’t approach me. I stared into space as I remembered my last few days here, I was so cold to Dad, I don’t even remember why I was so angry at him but I was. 

I pushed myself off of the steps and walked into the kitchen, Alec and Sophia followed me silently and without opposition to my seemingly mindless excursion around the house. I looked around, taking in all the little, meaningless, details. There was a mug of unfinished coffee; Dad never finished it, somehow he would always get distracted and leave it where it had been. It had always annoyed me, I had always imagined mould growing on it but he could never understand why I had such an issue with it.

I walked over to the mug and peered into it, I couldn’t tell whether it was for real or not but there was a heavy film of black, blue and green mould covering the stagnant water which had once been satisfying coffee. I saw the mould creeping up the edges, It was nearing the rim of the cup and I knew that it would contaminate everything; The house that I had worked so hard to keep clean, dirt free despite my father’s lack of hygiene. I picked up the mug and carried it over to the sink where I filled the basin with warm soapy water. I threw the mug in; threatening to shatter it in the process but instead was rewarded with my clothes being soaked by the splash back.

Alec walked forward as I began scrubbing the mug, removing the filth from its surface, I would never be able to remove the filth that had been set deep within it.

“Hey, Kyte are you ok?”

I nodded my head silently, too engrossed in my current cleaning task to reply verbally. He looked at me sadly before looking back to Sophia. He said something to her and she left, leaving just Alec and myself. I heard him walking toward me, coming closer, he wrapped his arms around me. I jumped at the physical contact and my hands begun shaking, I felt my control over my emotions slipping away as Alec’s grip tightened around my waist.

“What are you doing Alec?”

The mug shook in my grasp and the mould seemed to be shaken from it.

“You were looking scared so I gave you a hug.”

The mug dropped from my hand and I turned to face him, he refused to loosen his grip on me but allowed me to turn my body around. I looked up at him, into his caring eyes coupled with a small sympathetic smile. I felt my walls breaking down, something which was happening to me at a repeatedly alarming rate. I leaned into Alec’s chest as I felt tears stream down my face, I felt myself sobbing but all sound was muffled by Alec’s shirt in my face. My legs weakened and I felt myself slip, Alec caught me and we slid to the floor. He kept me tight in his grip and stroked my head as I sat there, a pathetic ball of weakened emotions.

I felt my throat going dry and tears stung at my eyes without falling, Alec lifted my face and looked down at me. I looked into those eyes which had comforted me through all my life, the ones that had scared away the bully’s who picked on me, the same ones that had comforted me when no one else could after my mother’s death. He wiped away the tears which remained glued to my face, I sniffled the rest of my shattered emotions away and focused on his comforting eyes.