Blank Stars

chapter 17

 Alec P.O.V

I felt my heart shattering a little, the look Kayla had given me was so devoid of emotion, I was torn as to whether I should have grabbed her and hugged her as tightly as humanly possible or leave being offended by her hesitance to open up to me. I had chosen the later sadly. I now regretted my decision as I walked down the dirty streets, I looked at a small cat which sat curled up in a cardboard box at the side of the road, abandoned by someone and left to fend for itself. I walked over to it and it looked up at me with expectant eyes, hoping so desperately that I would save it from whatever torment it was enduring out here.

I looked down at it sadly, this situation felt strangely similar to my confrontation with Kayla. I was torn I wanted to help but I didn’t want to have to burden everything that helping would entail. The beautiful, frail creature in front of me looked at me with such piercing eyes; swirling emerald pools with flecks of gold floating in them like leaves littering a pond in autumn. Its dark pupils widened and threatened to swallow the beauty that surrounded it, but they retreated filling up its eyes with hopeful and despairing magnificence. 

 I picked it up, its claws grew and it let out a meagre whimper. I wonder what atrocities this poor thing had put up with before now, I felt my mind click into place, refusing to acknowledge any kind of practicality and as always simply followed my emotions. I cradled the small creature in my arms, letting the heat from my body take the chill away from its tawny fur and seep into its bones. It let out a small, grateful meow and I felt guilt tug at my mind as I thought back to Kayla and the sad distanced look that had occupied her eyes before I left. I wanted to go back but at the same time fear gripped me, telling me that she would hate me and lash out at me and I would do more damage. A quiet meow brought my attention back to the small ball of fur in my arms. It had what resembled a smile and its eyes were semi-closed. It was the picture of innocence; I had to think of a name for the sweet thing. I continued walking, tickling the cat’s chin as I went, navigating cracks, litter and bins.

“So, what should I call you?”

The cat looked up at me, as if I was insane. It was so innocent and frail, it had been abandoned and lost all hope, but I had saved it. It was so similar to Kayla, well before today at least. I feel as if I had come too late to save her, she had already given up on help, I could tell from our conversation that she was not going to talk, or at least not properly. It pained me to see her so hurt, her gorgeous green eyes had shone from her pain, whether she was aware of it or not I could see the pain in her expression. During our entire conversation she had avoided looking me in the eye and when she did she refused to let her emotions show, her eyes were glassy and any sadness, pain or happiness she had was encased in contempt. I thought back to the time at her dad’s house, how upset she had gotten and how emotional she had been at the time. 

I shielded my cat from the water as a large car veered into a puddle at the side of the road… I remember the time that she was attacked by that woman; it felt like a lifetime ago that had happened. It felt like even longer since I had seen her be open with me. She confused me, as most women did, one minute she was freaking out over a kiss and then she would completely change and come on to me and then she would be frail and weak again and then she would say that she loves me and then turn on me and refuse to talk to me.

I let out a small sigh as I thought about how to tackle this issue, it was confusing but I had a feeling that this was more difficult than most people had to deal with. I felt sympathetic towards Sophia who had to deal with Kayla’s mood swings daily, I lost track of how long Kayla had been living at Sophia’s but it hadn’t really been that long. It hadn’t taken very long for things to spiral out of control. My little cat played with my finger and I smiled at its cute entranced expression as I pulled it away from it. I poked it on the nose and it blinked its eyes tightly and nipped at my finger. I let out a quiet laugh and returned to scratching its chin.