Blank Stars

chapter 20

He stood there in all his menacing glory, taunting me with that knowing expression as if the knowledge that he possessed was superior to anything that I could hope to know.

“Are you here to ‘help’ me again?” 

My tone was dry and sarcastic, Cera put a hand to his chest dramatically imitating a pained expression. As soon as he had shown such familiarity he returned to his usual dark demeanour.

“Why yes, I believe I am. That’s what I’m here for right?”

I stared at him, for once I wasn’t scared of him nor was I particularly intimidated, all I felt was a sense of pain emanating from him. It confused me as to why he should give off such an aura but I didn’t question it further.

“Are you even real?”

He looked at me, trying to find the sarcasm in my voice. Although he would find his search was in vain since my question was genuine. He let out a short breath and sat down on my bed as I stood at the end.

“I guess I am but at the same time I’m not.”

I threw my head back, he never could give me a straight answer. His words were always cryptic clues wrapped up tightly in deep riddles.

“Just answer me clearly.”

He stared at me, pondering how he could possibly phrase whatever strange thoughts he had in a way that I, a simple imbecile, would be able to understand.

“Well, who am I?”

“How the hell am I meant to know!? You just turned up out the blue, other than your name I know nothing about you!”

A glimpse of sadness flitted across his eyes and I wondered what had caused it. I didn’t understand him, and it’s not like he had given me the chance to either.

“Well that hurt, for the record I am real. As far as I’m concerned at least. You obviously don’t remember me but maybe one day you will.”

I looked at him utterly confused, he was insinuating that I knew him but before my night terrors and his abrupt appearances I had never seen his face.

“Why? Should I know you?”

He stood up then, so quickly and with so much power that I jumped back feeling my original fear glue my feet to the floor. I relaxed slightly as I saw it seemed to be frustration rather than anger that caused the outburst.

“Ugh, if you don’t remember me then I can’t tell you. Oh for god’s sake Kayla, why do you have to be so damn ditzy!?”

I stared at him stunned, his entire demeanour changed and I have to admit he did feel familiar in that moment. His eyes soften and I noticed those pools of dark blue almost pleading with me to remember him. I felt pity and guilt fighting each other in my mind for who would show on my face. 

“Where do I know you from then? How can I possibly remember you if all you do is shout at me?!”

He sunk to the bed again and this time I joined him. By now he had lost whatever thing about him that had scared me in the beginning. He took his head in his hands and his long black hair fell over his knuckles, I didn’t like what I was doing to him, and I felt guilty for feeling guilty. I felt like, by pitying Cera I was betraying Alec, considering how badly I had treated him. I heard Cera take in a sharp breath and then he looked up at me.

“Do you remember anything from when you were a kid?”

I looked at him with confusion which he obviously picked up on, why in the world was he talking about my childhood? Is he trying to suggest that he was a part of it because I definitely don’t remember him?