Blank Stars

chapter 25

I walked through the dark corridor, feeling my way along the walls. They were cold and rough but luckily the path seemed straight and there weren’t any side paths from what I could tell. I walked through the dark, thinking about what could possibly be waiting for me on the other side.

I walked for what felt like hours in this unending tunnel, and I could swear it was getting narrower and narrower. Just as I was about to give up hope I saw a light, similar to that at the tunnels entrance, up ahead. I hurriedly ran towards it and almost ran face first into a second metal door. I felt around the door until I felt a handle, I swallowed all my fear and pushed down on it. 

The door swung open and I found myself gaping at the scenery that awaited me. I looked out at the illuminated ground. I looked up at the sky and my jaw dropped, the sky was completely lit up with bright orbs of light which spiked into pointed shapes when I focused on any one in particular. There was far too many for me to possibly count, but they lit up the bright night time sky and the ground shone with a pale blue glow.

I stepped out and looked around me, the ground was covered in lush grass and there was trees surrounding me but as I turned round I fell to my knees. I looked at the humongous structure sat in front of me, it towered above me, huge and immense. It was different to the drawings my mum and dad had done, more ominous. It stood impossibly high, far into the sky, and it spanned equally wide. I would have wondered if it actually ended at all if it wasn’t for the large forest which surrounded it.

I pushed myself to my feet and walked backwards until my back hit against a tree, the dome itself was a strange metallic black colour which reflected the light of the stars, but I could see the faint outline of the city through it. I wonder what it could possibly be made of, I could see a string of lines and shapes etched onto its surface. They intertwined and danced along the surface, in a pale light pattern which emulated that of the stars.

I walked back up to the door, still unable to tear my gaze away from the huge structure which was far more than I had expected to find. I pushed on the handle of the door and froze as it refused to move. I looked down at it faintly seeing it due to the light of the stars, it was definitely there but it refused to move regardless of how much pressure I exerted on it, panic took over. I frantically pounded on the door, and pushed on the handle until it broke… I stood, staring at the thin metal bar stuck in my hand and the small rugged mark left from where it had sat moments before.

I fell to my knees, staring at the small item which had just sealed my fate. I looked around into the desolate area. In front of me sat my home, the people I grew up with and behind me sat an unforgiving forest.

I looked up at the door, hoping that somehow someone would find me but I knew that it wasn’t possible. As I looked on at the door I noticed that small light above it, the same one that had let me find it. I stared at it, and then it turned off. I understood then, the lights throughout the tunnel including the one that helped me find it would have turned off as well, meaning that no one would find me, there was no reason for anyone to go looking down there. I turned around and lay against the door, staring off into the formidable forest. 

I thought of everyone I had left, Alec who was left standing shocked in my room after I left him, after I had abandoned and forsaken him. Sophia who had turned on me, but I left her all the same. Cera, my brother who I had only just found, I still had so much to ask him, what had happened since he left, what happened to his friend, how he managed to get to the top of the gang. Then I thought of Alex and Max, the promiscuous girl, boy, it didn’t matter, as flirtatious as she was I hadn’t talked to her. She seemed so nice, she had almost killed a man for forcing himself on one of her girls, I hadn’t gotten to know her at all. Then Max, I felt like there was much more to her and Cera than he let on but I would never find out now. I was abandoned just like I had abandoned Alec and Sophia.

I looked out despairingly, realising how pitiful my situation was. I had started off just being a germaphobe then somehow that escalated and it forced my dad to send me to a psychiatrist, I distanced myself from him and I had never been close enough to my mum. I moved to Sophia’s and I was horrible to her, I treated Alec like shit, stringing him along and then dropping him. If I had just asked Fiona to show me the way home this wouldn’t have happened.

I looked down at the jagged metal handle sitting in my hand as I felt tears rolling down my face, I felt so empty, thinking of all the happy times that I could never have, the future I could have had with Cera and Alex and Max and all the girls. I lifted up the handled and felt the edge where it had broken off, it was jagged and I pulled my hand back sharply as blood beaded on my fingertips. I let out a sigh, and looked into the forest once more. Then I broke. Tears rolled down my face in torrents of despair, I pulled the handle against my skin, leaving a deep trailing line down the centre of my arm. The pain burned through my arms causing my injured arm to twitch and jerk but my mind felt numb, I was aware of the pain but I couldn’t do anything about it. I just cried. I felt my arms becoming cold, I switched hands and quickly repeated the action on my other arm before my hand went into a spasm, the handle flew from my hand. I stared at it, I began to feel tired, then the weariness overcame my whole body and blackness crept into my vision. As I felt myself being pulled under I suddenly saw myself in my room, back in Sophia’s house, I was lying face first and I saw a knife on the floor next to me. I wanted to push myself up and go to Sophia. I wanted to see her and apologize but I couldn’t my body was being dragged under by death and panic seized me, I didn’t want to die. I wasn’t outside I was in Sophia’s I wanted to stay alive, to see her laugh to be with Alec and get to know Cera better.

I wanted to live so badly, and then everything went black and cold… Everything was gone.