Destiny | Rudy Pankow

2.4

Sitting and staring off into space just thinking, thinking about all the ways she could have possibly changed the outcome of the day. 

Sitting in those thoughts was something she hadn't wished upon anyone. Wanting to do something about it, but feeling to weak to even move, to drained, to tired.

Why was death even here? Why did it always seem to take the people she loved when they had so much more life to live? Why?

Getting up from bed she thought about death and practically tore her room apart. Bed covers, and blankets thrown off the bed. Pillows scattered. Her mirror shoved over. Laundry thrown out of the basket recklessly. Papers torn. Trash out of the bin. Books on the floor. Pictures turned over. Complete chaos.

She sat back on her bed and let her thought take over again. The only question that kept finding back was why? Wanting to get out of this state she though about the possible thing she could do.

Her songs. That's it! Her songs! She can take her mind off of the circling thought but still mourn at the same time. It was perfect!

She walked over and sat at her piano she played a few notes to get warmed up. She pulled out her song and sang it out loud finding the right key and tone of voice to sing in. 

Once she found that it was just playing and writing it down as it got played.

One verse at a time she told herself over and over again. In only an hour she finished the song. Coming up with a name was something she needed help with.

She wrapped a blanket around her body and went to the door. Taking a few breaths in and out then opened it.

"Hey guys..." She half smiled nervous to ask them the simple question of can you help me.

"What's up, you nervous?" Chase asked putting his phone down to give his full attention to her.

"Yeah I am." She laughed slightly. More heads turned making the easy question harder to ask. "Don't all look at me! I can barely ask for help while Chase is looking!" Danny laughed.

Everyone smiled as she laughed. Feeling like their lost friend was found. Slightly. Not entirely, but she was coming back to them.

"What do you need help with D?" Chase asked, because it was his conversation with the girl in the first place.

"Soooo... I kinda wrote a song. I just need help with the name..." She trailed off. Rudy head snapped around to look at her. She took in his puffy eyes and red nose as a sign that he must've been crying.

Almost throwing himself off the couch he rose his hand high in the air. "Me, me, me, meeeee!" Rudy yelled making Danny laugh. The laugh he was craving.

"You can all come if you want." She said shyly. Everyone jumped to their feet and rushed over to her.

"Before we go in," Danny said holding her arms in front of the door. "what your about to see- it's not my fault." Danny said reluctantly moving her hands and walking in her room. She went over to the piano and sat waiting for everyone to enter.

Rudy knew what her room was. It was pure anxiety. All of it. Anxiety from the floor to the ceiling. Just anxiety.

"Who the hell broke in and trashed the place?" Austin tried to joke but got slapped in the back of the head hard by Rudy. 

"Just a friend, that isn't very welcome anymore..." She trailer off. "Anyways, I'll play the song then you'll help?" She asked getting nodding heads in return. 

Turning to her piano she shock her nerves away, placed her fingers on the keys and started playing.

"I'd barely seen you when you asked me if I hated you. Wasn't surprised but still had nothing I could say to you. I'm sorry if I ever made you feel the way you do." Danny started singing taking everyone back by her angelic voice.

"Yeah, I know I know you better than your parents. I heard about 'em, you don't gotta be embarrassed." Danny sang, but stopped dead in her tracks. They all turned to look at her but she shook her head and kept playing.

"You go online 'cause that's where you can be the saddest. You've been acting careless." The girl said beautifully thinking about her dad the entire time. A single tear fell down her cheek that didn't go unnoticed by Rudy, Chase, and Austin. Rudy also had a few tears running down his face.

"Now you put on a happy face. You need someone who's gonna stay. I know you're crushed under the weight. Wanna hold you up. Wanna hold you up. You keep things bottled up inside. I wish you'd give someone a try. You fell apart a million times. Wanna hold you up. Wanna hold you up. Before my heart gives out, mm." She continued. All she could think about was him. She wrote this for him before he died he was supposed to hear it. 

"You're losing track of all the friends I know you used to have. Don't know what happened but the old you wasn't half as bad. I'm sorry no one sees what's going on inside your head." Danny sang truthfully, meaning every word.

"Yeah, I know I know you better than your parents. I heard about 'em, you don't gotta be embarrassed. You go online 'cause that's where you can be the saddest. You've been acting careless." She sang again.

"Now you put on a happy face. You need someone who's gonna stay. I know you're crushed under the weight. Wanna hold you up. Wanna hold you up. You keep things bottled up inside. I wish you'd give someone a try. You fell apart a million times. Wanna hold you up. Wanna hold you up. Before my heart gives out." She repeated feeling the words so much more the second time.

"I know that you hate when I figure you out. You get so distant just so you can hear a sound. Swear that you've been gone but yet your body's still around. What are you doing now?" Danny said totally regretting leaving her pills out.

"Now you put on a happy face. You need someone who's gonna stay. I know you're crushed under the weight. Wanna hold you up. Wanna hold you up. You keep things bottled up inside. I wish you'd give someone a try. You fell apart a million times. Wanna hold you up. Wanna hold you up. Before my heart gives out." She said finishing and slowly turning around.

"So I'm thinking Crushed. Or Hold You Up." Danny said truthfully.

Everyone just stood mouths open, expect for Rudy.

"Happy face." Was all Rudy said knowing who the song was about and all the memories that came with it. 

For her grandpa and dad. Happy face was it. That was the title.

Danny looked at him and sniffled quickly writing it down, wiping her tears, and turned around to see he friends with open arms. They pulled her into a big group hug.