LGBT+ and the Church

QI. God Caring

The Questions:

➣ Why does God care if I love someone of my same-sex?

➢ Why can't homosexuals marry? (answered in chapter three)

➣ What about being in a relationship without sex?

The Answer: 

It returns to the concept of origin. As God is our origin—creational, in moral teaching, in community, and more—we, as Christians, at least as catholic Christians, attempt to maintain His design. We strive to return to how we were created to be: obedient, loving, and functional to His design. As part of this, marriage held one of its many functions in procreation; it is the natural relations between a husband and wife. So, for consistency, the Church also teaches against contraception without viable reasons (e.g., hardships and danger to children or mother) and without the say-so from one's spiritual father (some only allow natural family planning), abortifacient contraception, inherently sterile methods of intercourse, and means of reproduction that exclude intercourse, such as in vitro fertilisation.

When we read the Church Fathers and consult literature on the topic, we can find this emphasised:

According to the Constitutions of the Holy Apostles: "And fornication is the destruction of one's own flesh, not being made use of for the procreation of children, but entirely for the sake of pleasure, which is a mark of incontinency, and not a sign of virtue." [1] 

St. John Chrysostom recorded: "For the virtue of each thing then discovers itself when it is brought to its own fitting work, but when to one that is alien, it doth no longer so. For instance, wine is given for cheerfulness, not drunkenness, bread for nourishment, sexual intercourse for the procreation of children" (Homily XII, Colossians IV:12-13).

In The Recognitions, book 6, chapter twelve, St. Clement states: "But this kind of chastity is also to be observed, that sexual intercourse must not take place heedlessly and for the sake of mere pleasure, but for the sake of begetting children. And since this observance is found even amongst some of the lower animals, it were a shame if it be not observed by men, reasonable, and worshipping God."

In St. Maximus the Confessor's book Four Hundred Texts on Love, Philokalia, in section 17 we read: "Again, vice is the wrong use of our conceptual images of things, which leads us to misuse the things themselves. In relation to women, for example, sexual intercourse, rightly used, has as its purpose the begetting of children. He, therefore, who seeks in it only sensual pleasure uses it wrongly, for he reckons as good what is not good. When such a man has intercourse with a woman, he misuses her. And the same is true with regard to other things and our conceptual images of them."

In section 33, he continues to say: "There are also three things that impel us towards evil: passions, demons and sinfulness of intention. Passions impel us when, for example, we desire something beyond what is reasonable, such as food which is unnecessary or untimely, or a woman who is not our wife or for a purpose other than procreation, or else when we are excessively angered or irritated by, for instance, someone who has dishonoured or injured us."

While the separation of sex and procreation isn't distinct, St. John Chrysostom also says, "Their intercourse accomplishes the joining of their bodies, and they are made one, just as when perfume is mixed with ointment" (12th Homily on Colossians). Through marriage, they, a husband and wife, become "one flesh" (Genesis 2:18).

So, there is, of course, a loving and unifying aspect of marriage, such as companionship, but, when discussing sex, the separation of procreation and the uniting into one flesh symbolically is nonexistent. While one can have intercourse precisely for the intention of affection and intimacy, it would still have to be open for the possibility of having children; otherwise, they are changing the natural relations between man and woman in God's design of their bodies. Even in barren cases, God may grant them children as He did Abraham and Sarah.

In sexual relations between homosexual couples, the capability for them to have children is not possible. While some may advocate for in vitro fertilisation, this is also a sin as it isn't a natural sexual relationship resulting in a child between spouses.

Another proposal that can be made is "no sex in the marriage". That would seem to solve the problem, but it's not realistic. In the Garden, the concept of marriage didn't actually exist, and it won't exist in heaven either (Luke 20:34-36; Matthew 22:29-30). Through the fall, it came to be, both as a manner of preserving companionship, albeit in a romantic nature, but also satisfying the need to reproduce/have sex. We will have a relationship in heaven—though, primarily with God in a platonic way—but not in the same manner with earthly spouses. It's a misunderstanding to assume we'll continue the relationships we have now into the life after.

Marriage is a sacrament which involves God. It is not meant for excessive self-pleasure or independent decision-making on how it should be done, such as with what kind of partners. Therefore, homosexual marriage is not valid in Christianity. Relatedly, loving someone of the same sex romantically, or desiring them lustfully, while not appropriate, and even sin, can be understood to be hard to avoid. God cares because it is no longer holy, righteous and instead is self-serving. Marriage is God's, we are God's, and we are to be holy.

While single, Christians are advised to serve the Lord completely. Singleness is viewed as a gift (1 Corinthians 7:7; Matthew 19:11) to dedicate their time to God and working on themselves spiritually (1 Corinthians 7:32-34). Being single is not viewed as second best biblically. Monks and priests tend to reserve themselves in that aspect (though, in Orthodoxy, men can marry and then enter the priesthood, but not the other way around; bishops are celibate and unmarried). Nuns also go through a ceremony where they marry Jesus and become His spiritual Brides, meaning they become dedicated for the remainder of their lives to serving Jesus.

An accusation also waved against this explanation is 1) what about couples that don't want to have children, 2) what about barren couples and 2) what about elderly couples—if they don't have children or can't, does that mean they cannot wed or have sexual relations?

The first is rather simple: If they don't intend on having children or even adopting, they shouldn't marry but devote themselves to God instead of self-pleasure. Some priests will not even marry those that are explicitly abstaining from having children period. In some cases, their minds may change, and in such a case that it does, then it should result in marriage. Children are blessings.

Voluntary means of contraception is that of natural planning; for example, watching the wife's cycle in the case in which having a child is dangerous or there is an extreme hardship. However, avoiding children altogether or when there is no hardship avoids the essence of the spiritual life of a Christian. This is to be done at the guidance of a spiritual father.

The second, likewise, is simple: Like the example I used before, God may gift them with children. In the meantime, they could adopt and foster many lovely children. If they are not gifted one, then at least they would have raised some. The possibility, however, is still there.

As for elderly couples, it simply means they have fulfilled their family unit (unless they married against traditional Orthodox teaching). They raised or bore children, left the possibility open, and now can spend the rest of their remaining years participating with the family they had created.

In conclusion, marriage is between a heterosexual couple with sex acting as a means of producing children and uniting the couple.

Sources

[1] http://www.ccel.org/ccel/schaff/npnf112.v.xxiii.html