Summary:
-Sherlock and Molly are having a rough time conceiving
- Molly accidentally spills their troubles to their friend Caroline Watson
- Sherlock and Molly's journey takes an unexpected turn for the better
Notes:
Flufftober fic for Oct 7th- "Meddling Friends"
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"We are older...we're a few years away from forty, Sherlock", Molly says quietly, a saddened tone in her voice. "Maybe it wasn't meant to be for me..."
Sherlock furrows his brow and tilts her chin up to look at him. "That's not true. You know it and I know it. You're a natural caregiver, Molly. You were meant to be a mother. I know it'll happen. And if it doesn't naturally, I assure you, we can try other methods. There's plenty of them out there nowadays."
Tears fill her eyes as she tosses yet another negative pregnancy test into the bathroom waste bin, and then hugs him tightly, burying her face into his chest to hide the tears. "I feel like such a failure."
Sherlock looks sad and strokes his wife's hair tenderly, swaying from side to side with her in his arms. "You are not a failure, Molly. Sometimes when people are our age it can take a little bit. You've been on birth control since you were like, twenty. It takes time. I know we've been trying for a year now and I know that it's probably very taxing on you, and I'm sorry. I don't want you to feel like you're alone, Moll. Anything you need, I'm here. I think maybe we just need a little break. Maybe trying so hard is stressing us out and messing with us. I don't want you to be unhappy, but this...trying this hard, it's making you unhappy and I see it."
Molly sniffles and wipes her face as she peeks up at him. "I don't want you to think that it's you. It's not. You're amazing and you've been so so patient with me. I love you more than anything, Sherlock. And if we don't ever have children, I'll still very much enjoy my life with you. I have always imagined myself as a Mum though and letting go of that dream feels like ripping out a piece of my soul. Especially because I could have lost the only chance that I had at being a mother when I was nineteen. How is that fair?"
His heart aches for her as he gently strokes his thumb over Molly's cheek, her tired eyes looking into his sorrowfully. "The worst thing that had ever happened to me in my entire life left me with the best thing I could have ever had. But because of my depression and my anorexia from the trauma I-I didn't take care of myself, and that didn't take care of him and to this day I know it must have been my fault that he didn't thrive. I was in no condition to grow a baby inside me...", she chokes up. "Now I just feel like I'm being punished for it, even though I think of who he'd be nearly every day."
Sherlock shakes his head and leans down to kiss her lovingly, cupping her face. "You're not being punished. Molly, you were practically a child, and you were assaulted. That's traumatic for anyone but especially for someone as young as you were. You have absolutely no reason to think you're being punished for slipping into a bad place back then. I know you still cared about your child, and I know that you wanted to give him a life filled with love despite what happened and how young you were. You didn't want to miscarry, it's not your fault. Miscarriages are common, even in the healthiest of women, okay?"
"I know that", she sniffs. "But it doesn't make it any less painful, and I still carry that guilt. Sherlock, he'd be almost eighteen...that's just crazy to me. Every year around the time I would've been due, I think about what he would have been like at that age. Now that I'm having trouble conceiving it just feels like...like a punishment, like karma or something. I don't know."
He kisses her again lovingly and holds her close. "Molly, if anyone has bad "karma", it would be me, but we shouldn't be focusing on things like that. I'm sorry this is hurting you so much, and I know it's disappointing", he murmurs into her hair, cuddling her. "I think we should take a break from trying. I feel like a lot of the time, it's becoming a chore. It's scheduled to your ovulation and hormone levels and such, and maybe being so meticulous isn't working for us. I don' think we are bonding as much as we were, and it's not as loving or enjoyable when it's planned. I can tell you feel similarly. I love you, and I don't like how this has become routine. It should be more than that. I shouldn't have let it get that way, I just know how much you want a baby and I want one with you too."
