Sweet Redemption: Love and the rock star (Completed)

Chapter 29

Riley’s POV

I thought getting away would help me heal but yeah not happening.  

After that day when I dropped off the kids’ stuff I had a breakdown.   My crying didn’t stop for hours.   At home I was confronted with nothing but the reminders of what I lost.   How could this happen?  

I found myself all alone – my babies couldn’t even look at me.   I could see the hate and sorrow in their eyes.   Now that I look at it – I may have taken the easy way out.   I just dumped the kids on their father.

I should have tried harder.   Made them talk to me.   But seeing Willow becoming ill was what broke my resolve to fix this.   My little girl physically getting sick did not sit well with me.   If being with their father is what they needed then who was I to not give them that?  

I just don’t understand why they hated me though.   One day they were just upset and the next it was like I was the enemy.   I just…I just…failed…

Now as I sat on the beach and looked out over the waves, peace still eluded me.   I was so confused and hurt.   Broken.   I didn’t know what to make out of this situation anymore.   Where did I go wrong?

Did I love Dominic?   Yes

Was he a good father?  Yes

Did I feel safe with him?  Yes - Hell he was the first man to ever kiss miss since that night.   My body didn’t flinch away from him.

Was I still attracted to him?  Hell yes – my body still craved his like it did the first day I met him.  

Did I still blame him or hold our past against him?   No – we all made mistakes and it was just a continuous series of unfortunate events and circumstances.   There was no one person to blame.   Andrew, John, Dominic and even I all share a part in that.   I get that now, it took me a while but I get it. 

Now the big daddy…Did I trust him?   Not just with our kids but with me?   Yes.   Yes I did.   On all fronts.   And that is what hurt so damn much.   I thought he wanted me but then he started to back off.  

Then there was the tour.   No mention of me or the kids joining him.   Hell three other bandmates all sat there and discussed the tour and he said nothing.   Did I want to go?   Yes.   Was it ideal with the kids?  No, but we could work around that.   Get them a tutor or something.   Maybe a bigger tour bus.   But he never brought it up.   And then I started to question why.   What could be the reason why?   And during one conversation Damien mentioned the action they get on tour.   Ahh…groupies.  

How after all this time was I still so naive?   I should have realized.   I just didn’t want to admit that he would brush me to the side so easily…a second time.  

I wanted to be important to him…I wanted to matter.   Was that too much to ask?   After all this time and everything that had transpired, I just wanted to be someone’s number one.   I deserved that much didn’t I?

Getting up I made my way up the beach.  It really was a nice place around here, the kids would love it.   My heart ached at the thought.   It has been four days since I have seen my angels and weeks since I have gotten a true hug from them.   It was hell.   Pure hell.  

I resisted the urge to cry once again as I made my way up the boardwalk.   I needed to eat.   In the past week I have lost about 10 lbs from all the stress.   I looked like crap, my eyes seemed to be permanently red and puffy.   At least I am no longer pasty white, as the sun has been good for me.  

Each day I trekked down to the beach and just sat there, trying to find balance.   So far it wasn’t working, but I had to try.   Felling like I could eat a full meal I headed to the smoothie place.   As I stood in line the magazine rack caught my attention.  

On the cover of almost every issue was a picture of me and Dominic.   All the headlines read:  Yes I am in love or My Sweet Ending.

Shocked I reached over and grabbed two different issues and ordered my smoothie.   Walking back to my spot I sat down and began to read…