To Build A Home [ Simon x Wilhelm ]

The grass isn't real

Simon's pov

I walked into my room, a huge ass grin on my face.

"Ooh, look who is glowing," Casper said, glancing up from his crochet.

"Yeah, yeah," I said, throwing my bag onto the bed.

"Been with loverboy?"

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, he wanted to know how the Alexander situation was looking," I replied.

"Mmhm," he hummed. "Hey come over here for a second."

"Why?" I frowned.

"Just come over, I'll show."

I sat down beside him, curiosity taking the best of me, "What do you wanna show me?"

"Well, Monsieur," he said, "what do you think about this masterpiece?"

He placed a lump of wool in my hand, and it took me a minute to realize that it was in fact a beanie.

"Oh," I toyed it in my hands, "it's nice."

"I made it for you," he said, a warm smile on his lips.

"Oh my god," I said, studying his face to figure out if he was joking or not, "Seriously?"

"Why would I kid with you?" he laughed, "I figured you look good in beanies."

"Thank you so much," I said, speechless.

"Try it on," Casper said, then took it from my hands to put it on himself. He fixed my hair and looked proudly at the final work. "Perfect," he said.

God, he is so sweet.

I walked over to the mirror and admired my reflection.

"I chose the colours that you wear the most so that it goes with most of your clothes," he said, walking over beside me.

"I noticed," I replied, turning around to face him as he fixed my hair.

And considerate.

There was a comfortable silence between us. Casper opened his lips and then closed them shut hesitantly.

"What?" I asked. His expressions relaxed, "Nothing." 

"You've intrigued me now. Say it." 

Casper scoffed, "I don't think I should." I raised my eyebrows.

"Fine," he said, "I was just wondering - ugh, how do I say this? - do you think Wilhelm deserves you?"

"What do you mean?" I asked, taken aback.

He looked down at his feet, "I, uh, I've heard what happened last year."

"So?"

"I mean, don't you see how unpredictable Wilhelm is? He is not the type you can be with. I am pretty sure he is not coming out. When time comes, he will just move on from you and get married to a good woman who can raise his kids to be the next Princes and Princesses."

A lump formed in my throat. "You don't know him like I do," I replied.

"Do you think the person who left you alone when you needed him really loves you? He is just going to hurt you-"

"He did not leave me alone!" I shouted, holding back tears, "He talked to me about it, but he made his final decision in a position of fear and helplessness. He didn't have his own free will."

"Do you think he ever will?"

I stared up at Casper, completely stripped off of the comfort that I gave myself by telling myself that Wilhelm could change. 

Casper's words pronounced what a little part of my brain knew was true, the little part in my head that saw the real picture; that who I saw was Wille and who everyone else saw was Prince Wilhelm, and both of these people could never merge into one.

But I denied it over, and over and over until I started deluding myself.

I buried my face in my hands, "I don't know what to do. I've tried it, Casper, but I - I just can't stay away from him."

Casper stared at the ceiling, lost in deep thought, "You know, sometimes you don't realise it but...all you need is someone who can remind you of your true worth. Sometimes you just need better memories to recognise the bad ones in your life."

"I don't have better memories," I said, my voice cracking.

"Then you have to make some, right?"

Maybe he was trying to hide it, maybe he wasn't; but the longing in his eyes gave away everything he wasn't saying.

"I'll take some rest now," I said.

"Yeah," he replied, "yeah, sure." He backed off and sat back down on his bed, booting up his laptop.

I cocooned myself in my blanket trying to bring some form of comfort to my bleeding soul. Tears rolled onto my pillowcase.

This wound wasn't going to be an easy one to sew together.